We have been talking about the negativity of Sinat Hinam/Baseless Hatred ,and how, as a Middah, it becomes a part of our nature; it becomes an instinct and natural reaction.
How are we to change that?
I recently attended a course given by Rabbi/Dr. Zeev Brown, Phd, who discussed a certain psychological approach (which he actually brought sources for, from Rav Wolbe) called CBT- Cognitive Behavior Therapy-
The cognitive aspect relates to our thoughts, the behavior is our actions, and there is an emotional component as well.
How you think affects how you feel and act; What you do affects what you think and how you feel; and how you feel affects how you think and act.
Each one impacts the other, as illustrated in the model above.
Dr. Brown started off with cognition/ thought, and gave a beautiful mashal to explain: Imagine someone walking down the street, and a person just walks over and knocks him down on the floor. He would probably jump up and start screaming at the person, asking him what’s wrong with him, what he’s doing, and why he just threw him down for no reason. Any normal person would explode.
So Dr. Brown asked- Is that a guaranteed immediate reaction? Is that reaction a Middah ? If a person throws you on the floor, do you automatically get upset? Does being thrown on the floor cause one to be upset?
Then there is a second scenario: Somebody inherits $30 million, and decides that he’s going to knock somebody down. But if the person he knocks down hugs him instead of berating him, he will give that person $1 million.
Now imagine that someone heard about this plan, and told his friend about it. If his friend gets knocked down, he’ll jump up and give the man a hug and a kiss, and collect $1 million.
So the question is asked, which reaction does being thrown on the floor bring out? Does it bring out hugs and kisses or does it bring out a tirade? The answer is neither. It is your thought that decides how you are going to react, and how you process that action.
Rav Wolbe says that the Rambam calls Middot Hilchot Deot/the laws of mindsets, because it is all a mindset. How a person reacts and feels all starts from his thoughts.
So, next week, we are going to try and work on developing the kinds of thoughts that will lead us to feel a different way toward our friends, and then to act in a different way toward them.
But it all starts from our thoughts.
B’ezrat Hashem, we will explore the thoughts that are necessary to reframe.
Have a wonderful day and a Shabbat Shalom.