As we approach Elul, we always read Parshat Re'eh beforehand. The mnemonic for this connection is ראה רש אלול אלף הגיע ("See, Elul is on its way").
In Parshat Re'eh, we read: בנים אתם לה' אלוקיכם ("You are children of Hashem your God"). It is no coincidence that we receive this message as we begin Elul. As we mentioned, the theme of the month of Av is that God is our Father. As Av ends, we reiterate that we are the children of Hashem, and therefore: לא תתגודדו ("Do not divide yourselves").
As we leave Av, we transition into a new expression of love: that of a husband and wife—אני לדודי ודודי לי ("I am to my beloved, and my beloved is to me"). We move from one loving relationship into another. Rav Wolbe writes that the ultimate goal of all mitzvot is love, as stated in the second paragraph of Kriat Shema: והיה אם שמוע תשמעו אל מצוותי אשר אנכי מצווה אתכם היום לאהבה את ה' אלוקיכם ("If you will listen to My commandments that I command you today, to love Hashem your God..."). The focal point of all mitzvot is to lead us to love.
Conversely, every aveirah (sin) contains an element of hatred. Rav Wolbe quotes Rav Yerucham Levovitz, who explains that there is often a mixture of motives: an act of love can contain a degree of hatred, and within the heart, love and hate can coexist. For example, a parent loves their child, yet in a moment of frustration, discipline is applied. The verse states: חושך שבטו שונא בנו ("He who spares the rod hates his son"). We do not hate our children, but on a scale of 0 to 10—where 10 is ultimate love and 0 is complete hatred—we are not always at the ultimate expression of love. When a person commits a sin, they fall somewhere along this continuum.
As we prepare for Elul, we must overcome the spiritual hurdles resulting from the destruction commemorated in Av. We pass through Av to rectify these flaws and prepare for the love of Elul and the end of Av. Rav Yerucham Levovitz explains in a sicha in his sefer Da'at Chochmah u-Mussar (as cited by Rav Wolbe) that the three cardinal sins represent ultimate hatred. On a scale of 0 to 10, when a sin reaches 10 (total hatred), spiritual survival is impossible—it creates a complete religious disconnect, which is why one must choose to die rather than commit them:
Avodah Zarah (Idolatry): Represents total hatred and betrayal toward God by serving another deity.
Shefichut Damim (Murder): Expresses hatred toward one's fellow man (ben adam l'chaveiro) as well as toward God.
Gilluy Arayot (Forbidden Sexual Relations): While Rav Yerucham does not explicitly detail the nature of this hatred in his text, an explanation is offered based on the three spheres of human connection: man to God, man to his neighbor, and man to himself. Avodah Zarah severs the connection to God; Shefichut Damim severs the connection to others; and Gilluy Arayot causes a disconnect from oneself by degrading human dignity. As stated regarding the Sotah (the wayward woman), because her action mimicked animalistic behavior, her offering consisted of barley—the food of an animal. Gilluy Arayot demotes a person from their elevated human standing, causing self-destruction. This explains why individuals often experience self-loathing after such sins: the act itself is rooted in self-hatred.
Rav Wolbe asks: How can the soul—described as a שלהבת יה ("a flame of God"), inflamed with divine love as depicted in Shir HaShirim—harbor a force of hatred that disconnects man from God?
He brings a proof from the Gemara in Shabbat 105b, where Rabbi Yochanan ben Nuri states that one who tears their clothes, breaks utensils, or scatters money in anger should be viewed as an idolater. Today the yetzer hara tells a person to do one small thing, tomorrow another, until it eventually entices them to worship idols. Anger demonstrates that a person is currently controlled by the yetzer hara. This is why on Yom Kippur we confess: על חטא שחטאנו לפניך ביצר הרע ("For the sin we committed before You through the yetzer hara"). While all sins involve the evil inclination, this specific confession refers to moments when the yetzer hara gains total dominion over us, such as through bouts of anger.
Rav Wolbe proves this from Tehillim 81:10: לא יהיה בך אל זר ולא תשתחוה לאל נכר ("There shall not be a strange god within you, nor shall you bow to a foreign god"). What is the "strange god" (el zar) that resides inside a person? It is the yetzer hara. The word zar denotes estrangement. A person can become estranged from others, from God, and from themselves.
Estrangement (zarut) is the exact opposite of belovedness (yedidut). Rav Wolbe notes elsewhere that the word ידיד (yedid) is a contraction of יד יד (hand to hand)—one hand reaching out and another reaching back. The counter-force to this connection is zarut, which causes separation.
Elul centers on אני לדודי ודודי לי, but it is continually challenged by this force of estrangement. God is called ידיד נפש אב הרחמן ("Beloved of the soul, Merciful Father"). Yet, zarut creates a sense of disconnection. For example, difficulty in maintaining concentration (kavanah) during prayer often stems from a lack of felt connection. If we truly felt close to our Father, prayer would flow naturally; estrangement blocks that feeling.
Self-estrangement occurs when a person loses clarity about their own spiritual standing and no longer truly knows themselves. Remedying this is the core task of Elul:
- Connection to God: Represented by אני לדודי ודודי לי ("I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me").
- Connection to Others: Represented by the acronym of Elul found in איש לרעהו ומתנות לאביונים ("...sending portions to one another and gifts to the poor").
- Connection to Self: Hinted at in the verse ומל ה' אלקיך את לבבך ואת לבב זרעך ("And Hashem your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring"), where the initial letters of אתלבבךואתלבב spell Elul.
The "foreskin" (orlah) of the heart acts as a barrier that blocks inspiration and disconnects the mind from the heart. Though the mind understands, the heart remains covered, creating inner division.
The job of Elul is to serve as a time of restored connection and love—realigning ourselves with God, with our fellow human beings, and with our inner selves. Having passed through the period of destruction, we overcome the negative forces of hatred and work to revive the sources of love and holy connection.