We are now in the Aseret Yemei Teshuvah. The Rambam writes that during these days, a person should view himself as a benoni whose judgment is still pending. If he does teshuvah, he will be inscribed for life. That means that the order of the day right now is teshuvah. Every person must think about what he did wrong and try to correct it.
The Rambam tells us that teshuvah is easily accepted during these days. Hashem is giving us such a great opportunity. He wants us to succeed, but we have to do our part. We must think about what we did wrong. We have to admit it, feel sincere regret, and then accept upon ourselves not to continue doing it. And when it comes to things that we did wrong to other people, even if we ask Hashem for forgiveness, Yom Kippur will not bring atonement until we ask them for forgiveness.
This can be very difficult, but we must build up the strength to apologize to the people we hurt. And an apology must be sincere. If someone goes over to the person he hurt and spends the whole time explaining why he did what he did, giving a hundred reasons why he was justified, it's going to be very difficult for the other person to accept that apology. We have to be able to say, "I was wrong. I feel terrible about what I did. It's bothering me so much that I hurt you, and I'm sincerely asking you to please forgive me."
The Chafetz Chaim writes about how important it is not to let the opportunity of Yom Kippur pass us by. We need Yom Kippur to complete our atonement, and that will only happen if we do our part beforehand. And when someone asks us sincerely for forgiveness, we have an avodah as well. We're not supposed to make it difficult for them. We should say, "I forgive you," and really mean it.
Sometimes that can be very hard. The person may have truly hurt us, but we can tell ourselves, This is what Hashem wants from me. Hashem wants peace, and with emunah, we know that the person who hurt us was only a messenger, and whatever happened was from Hashem for our best. And if it's still very difficult to forgive, we should realize that we have an opportunity for tremendous mesirut nefesh. We can overcome our nature and put aside our feelings because that is what Hashem wants from us. And when a person is wronged and is able to overlook it, it's an extraordinary et ratzon. We've heard so many stories over the years of people who overcame themselves at such moments and saw great yeshuot. If someone finds himself in a difficult situation and manages to sincerely forgive, he should take advantage of that moment and pray to Hashem for the yeshuah that he needs.
There was a wonderful bachur who we'll call Yehuda from Williamsburg, who had so much going for him. He was smart and diligent, had excellent middot, and was very good-looking. But as a young child, he was in a serious car accident. Baruch Hashem, he completely recovered, except that he was left with a noticeable limp. When he reached the age of shidduchim, that limp became a much bigger obstacle than the family anticipated. All of his friends were getting engaged, while very few suggestions were coming his way. His mother maintained her emunah and refused to compromise on the things that really mattered.
One day, she decided perhaps she should send a picture of her son to the community shadchanim. If they saw what a good-looking bachur he was, perhaps they would be more willing to overlook his limp. That morning after Shacharit, Yehuda was walking toward the kitchenette in the Bet Midrash when an older man came toward him carrying two hot drinks. Someone rushed past and bumped into the older man, causing one of his drinks to spill. The person who actually caused it kept walking, but the older man mistakenly blamed Yehuda. He began shouting at him publicly, accusing him of not looking where he was going. Then, while angrily waving his hands, the second cup, filled with hot tea, spilled directly onto Yehuda's face.
Yehuda had every right to defend himself. He had done absolutely nothing wrong. But just then, someone whispered to him, "Don't answer. This is your opportunity. Pray to Hashem now for a shidduch." Yehuda held himself back and didn't say a word. With his face burning and warm tears coming down his cheeks, he turned to Hashem and prayed for a shidduch. That day, his mother couldn't take the picture because his face was red from the burn. Her plan of hishtadlut had seemingly been ruined. But two weeks later, without any picture being sent, Yehuda was engaged.
We don't know the calculations of Hashem, but we know how precious it is when a person is wronged and overcomes his natural reaction for the sake of Hashem. During these Aseret Yemei Teshuvah, we may have that opportunity on either side. Perhaps we need to go over to someone and sincerely say, "I'm sorry," which can be very difficult. Or perhaps someone needs our forgiveness, and it's very difficult for us to give it to him. Both require us to overcome ourselves.
But these are the opportunities Hashem is giving us right now. We should take advantage of them, make peace with each other, and pray that in that zechut, Hashem should have mercy upon us and inscribe us for a year of life, berachot, and yeshuot.