Introduction: The Search for the Core Principle
Welcome to our daily middot character refinement class.
Rav Wolbe, in his sefer Alei Shur (Volume II, page 180), points out that in many places, our Rabbis give us fundamental principles upon which all the mitzvot are built.
For example, the Gemara in Berachot 63a tells us that Bar Kappara taught: What is a short passage upon which the entire Torah depends?
"B'chol derachecha da'eihu, v'hu yeyasher orchotecha" — Know Him in all your ways, and He will straighten your paths (Mishlei 3:6).
In other words: "Kol ma'asecha yihyu l'shem Shamayim" — all your deeds should be for the sake of Heaven (Pirkei Avot 2:12).
Another Gemara states:
"Ba Chavakuk v'he'emidan al achat" — Chavakuk came and established the entire Torah upon a single pillar: "Tzaddik b'emunato yichyeh" — the righteous man lives by his emunah (Makkot 24a). Living with active emunah.
Furthermore, Bereishit Rabbah (24:7) notes:
"V'ahavta l'rei'acha kamocha" — Love your neighbor as yourself (Vayikra 19:18). Rabbi Akiva said: "Zeh klal gadol baTorah" — this is a great, all-encompassing rule of the Torah.
We see a consistent theme here: our Sages sought foundational, all-inclusive rules. Why couldn't we simply have 613 distinct mitzvot? Why do we need an overarching principle?
The answer is that without one, you lose the forest for the trees. You see individual details, but you miss the broader purpose. You fulfill the specific commandments, but you miss what Hashem fundamentally desires from you. There is an ultimate goal, and to reach it, we must peel away the surface details and identify the core essence.
The Fundamental Drive: Giving vs. Taking
Rav Wolbe notes that this search for the core principle is not limited to early sources; later thinkers also identified fundamental foundations.
Among the primary approaches cited is that of Rav Eliyahu Dessler in Michtav MeEliyahu, which roots the entirety of the Torah in a single point: God created man and endowed him with two opposing capacities—to be a giver (noten) or a taker (notel).
The quality of giving stems directly from the attributes of God:
- Hashem acts with absolute mercy and gives unconditionally, expecting neither repayment nor gain.
- We do not "do" anything for God when we serve Him; rather, He graciously allows us the privilege of serving Him. Everything exists because He bestows benevolence upon us.
- Man was created b'tzelem Elokim (in the image of God) to emulate this quality: to show mercy and actively do good for others.
In contrast, the power of taking stems from the desire to control, consume, and hoard. This is what we call ahavat atzmo—self-love, the unbridled ego—which is the root of all destructive traits.
Therefore, Rav Dessler explains that the koach hanetinah—the ingrained drive to give—is the bedrock of all good middot combined.
The Outlook of the Giver vs. the Taker
Consider how this plays out in everyday life:
- The Giver: When a giver meets someone, his instinctive thought is: "How can I help this person?" If that is your approach to life, you become a genuine ba'al chesed. You become patient, tolerant, capable of shouldering another's burden (nosei b'ol im chaveiro), and deeply empathetic. You are naturally content with less for yourself.
- The Taker: When a taker meets someone, his immediate calculation is: "What can I get out of this person? Can I extract honor, free advice, a loan, or a gift?" A taker is driven by the pursuit of money, status, and physical gratification. He inevitably becomes arrogant and quick to anger, because he cannot tolerate anything that impedes his desires. He falls victim to jealousy, bitterness, and animosity.
All refined character traits coalesce into one central identity: being a giver. When a person consciously trains himself to be a giver, he reconstructs his middot, elevates his perspective, and develops an entirely transformed tzurah—a higher spiritual stature.
Society and the Restraint of the Taker
With that foundation, Rav Wolbe directs us to study Michtav MeEliyahu deeply, specifically pointing to page 204 in Alei Shur (Volume II).
In Michtav MeEliyahu (Volume I, pages 32–51), Rav Dessler presents his renowned treatise, Kuntres HaChesed (The Pamphlet of Lovingkindness). There, he explains why human civilization, left to its own devices, remains inherently untrustworthy.
Our elaborate judicial systems, law enforcement agencies, and societal codes are merely external measures designed to keep the taker in check. They are a facade. This reflects the teaching in Pirkei Avot (3:2):
"Ilmalei mora'ah shel malchut, ish et rei'ehu chayim bala'u" — Were it not for the fear of the government, a person would swallow his fellow alive.
Selfish desire is natural to the unrefined person; without external fear and accountability, civilized restraint collapses. That is why the moment a state of anarchy arises, rioting and looting instantly erupt. Stripped of boundaries, raw human nature reveals the taker.
Taking manifests in varying degrees:
- Extreme takers: Those who rob, murder, wage wars of conquest, and rule as despots.
- Subtle takers: Those who constantly crave gifts, seek windfalls, exploit opportunities for unearned profit, and look to gain at the expense of others.
This is why Shlomo HaMelech, the wisest of all men, taught in Mishlei (15:27): "Shonei matanot yichyeh" — He who hates gifts shall live.
Mixed Motives: Giving to Take vs. Taking to Give
Every human being contains both forces within himself: the drive to give and the urge to take. The real question is: how do these two forces interact in daily life?
A person can perform an act of giving that is actually disguised taking, or engage in an act of taking that is fundamentally an act of giving:
1. Giving in Order to Take (Disguised Taking)
A person pays his employees fair wages or behaves cordially toward associates, but his sole underlying motivation is what he receives in return. He pays his workers only to extract their labor; he is polite only to ensure cooperation.
This resembles the concept of making "emotional deposits" in interpersonal relationships: one invests kindness purely to build up credit for future emotional withdrawals. Under the surface, the other person is merely a personal bank account. That is not genuine giving; it is calculated investment for personal return.
2. Taking in Order to Give (Sanctified Action)
Conversely, there are individuals whose outward participation in worldly matters—even acts that involve taking a fee or wage—is elevated into genuine giving. Rav Dessler and our Sages illustrate this through two classic accounts:
- Chanoch the Shoemaker:
The Torah tells us: "Vayit'halech Chanoch et HaElokim" — Chanoch walked with God (Bereishit 5:22). The Midrash Talpiyot records that Chanoch was a cobbler by trade, and with every stitch he made, he formed sacred unifications (yichudim) to his Creator.
At first glance, this sounds like esoteric, Kabbalistic meditations. However, Rav Yisrael Salanter explains that this is not what Chanoch was doing. Had he been lost in mystical abstractions while on the job, he would have been guilty of shortchanging his customer! He was hired to make shoes.
Rather, Chanoch's "unifications" were grounded in pure chesed: with every single stitch, he focused entirely on making the seam strong and durable so that the customer would receive a reliable, comfortable pair of shoes. Even though he earned a livelihood for his work, his inner orientation was entirely godly: he sought only the genuine benefit of his fellow man.
(Consider a modern parallel: many enter professions like medicine primarily for financial security and high compensation rather than an authentic desire to relieve human suffering. The difference between taking and giving lies entirely in one's core inner focus.)
- The Chafetz Chaim's Grocery Store:
The Michtav MeEliyahu personally witnessed the conduct of the Chafetz Chaim, Rabbi Yisrael Meir HaKohen. Unwilling to accept a rabbinic salary for his Torah scholarship, the Chafetz Chaim opened a small grocery store to support himself.
He made sure everything he sold was of the highest quality and deliberately gave generous measures on all dry goods. Consequently, customers flocked to his shop.
Seeing this, the Chafetz Chaim grew concerned: "If everyone shops by me, how will the other shopkeepers in town earn a living?" He decided to open his shop for only one or two hours a day—just long enough to cover his basic daily necessities—and then close so that other merchants could earn their livelihoods.
Yet even during those two hours, customers continued to overwhelm his shop. Recognizing that his presence was still diminishing the livelihood of others, he closed the store entirely.
Conclusion: The Source of All Character
As Rav Wolbe emphasizes, our discussion of chesed is not merely an analysis of an isolated virtue. It is the taproot of all human character: Are you fundamentally a giver, or are you a taker?
In our upcoming classes, we will continue to explore this profound, inexhaustible foundation of personal refinement.