Now that we have finished the holiday season, we are starting on a regular track of using a specific Sefer written on the topic of Ahavat Yisrael called Ahavat Yisrael, written by the Chafetz Chaim. The Chafetz Chaim wrote many, many books. He’s named after his Sefer about Lashon Hara, entitled The Chafetz Chaim, based on the pasuk, “ Mi Ha’Ish HaChafetz Chaim/Who is the one who wants life? The pasuk answers, “Guard your tongue from evil.” His real name is Rav Yisrael Meir Kagan. He wrote the Mishna Berurah, a famous halachic work, and he wrote another 30 or 40 books, one of which is called Ahavat Yisrael.
In his clear way, he explains this mitzvah. He starts off discussing the negative, like we say, Sur M’Ra/ stay away from evil, V’Aseh Tov/ and do good
And he quotes a pasuk, one of the 613, “Do not hate your brother in your heart.”
This mitzvah, he says, includes that one cannot hate any Kosher Jew, because the word Achicha/your brother doesn't mean your brother of flesh and blood, it obviously includes all Jews.
So why does it say the word Achicha?The Gemara learns from this word, Achicha that’s he’s your brother in Mitzvot, meaning he’s a good kosher Jew.
(We'll see later to exclude one who is not considered an Achicha)
The Chafetz Chaim is of the opinion that the Torah only warns us on a Sina B’Lev/a hatred in your heart, which is seemingly counterintuitive. He says, if one hits his friend and curses him out, there's a separate isor for that. You're not allowed to hit your friend, and you're not allowed to curse your friend, but if you have done so, you have not transgressed this sin of don't hate your friend in your heart.
What happens if you hated your friend and that brought you to punch him? Or you hated your friend and that brought you to curse him?
This is a argument among the Acharonim, whether it’s a double sin or not.
The Sefer Hikre Lev says that if a person ended up punching his friend, he didn't hate him in his heart, because he revealed the hatred. So we're not going to get you for “don't hate your friend in your heart.”
The question is, how could it be that it’s only this sin if I hate someone in my heart, but if I tell him clearly, “I hate you,” that's not this sin? It almost sounds like that's okay. Well, it's not okay, but you're not transgressing that sin.
The explanation given by Rabbenu Bachye in Kar Hakemach on the topic of Sinat Hinam is that hatred in the heart is much more dangerous because the person doesn't know how to be wary of him.
And furthermore, the sefer Yad Kitana from the Ramban Hilchot De’ot (chapter 7, Halacha 4) tells us that when it stays in the heart, it grows and grows and explodes and can get much worse.
There's an interesting difference between these two reasons. If the reason it’s a sin is because your friend won’t know to be careful from you, then you have to tell him that you hate him. If you tell someone else that you hate him, then you didn't accomplish the purpose of getting it out.
But if the reason why I can't keep it in is because it's going explode, then if I tell my therapist how much I hate him, that's okay. It's not in my heart anymore, I'm sharing with my therapist. The fellow that I hate may not know to be aware of me, but it's not going to explode because I'm talking to my therapist about it every week.
So while there may be a difference in the reasons why it’s a sin, it’s an opinion, and it’s the opinion of the Rambam in the sefer Mitzvot, (negative commandment 302) and the Sefer Hinuch (Mitzvah 238).
They both hold that expressed hatred does not fall under this negative transgression.
So this is important because we may see a someone tell a guy, “I don't like you,” and we think he's terrible, You may think it’s a more refined and better etiquette to hate a person and not tell him. But that's actually worse.
And that's why I'm stressing this- because hating people in the heart is worse of the two.. That's all in the world of the Rambam.
But on the other hand, the Ramban in Vayikra on the pasuk says clearly that the only reason why it says, “Don't hate your friend in your heart,” is because that's the more common case. And many others agree that the word Bilvavecha/in your heart is just an example, that even if it's in your heart and you didn't even do anything, you're still sinning But that’s not to say that if you let it out, you don't transgress it. The bottom line is that the Chafetz Chaim seems to go with the approach that it's only if it's in your heart. And the Chafetz Chaim says that you have to tell the person, so that he's protected, and then you have not transgressed this sin to its fullest extent.
Of course, it's not nice to tell someone that you don't like him, but you're not transgressing if it's not in your heart.