There is another lesson from the story of Kamsa and Bar Kamsa.
Let’s back it up for a moment: As we know, an unknown man has a friend, and an enemy. His friend’s name is Kamsa, and his enemy’s name is Bar Kamsa. It’s questionable whether this is a father and son, or two people with similar names.
The Gemara says that the Bet Hamikdash was destroyed because of Kamsa and Bar Kamsa.
In this story, an unknown man mistakenly invites his enemy, Bar Kamsa, to his party when he really intended to invite Kamsa. He had sent his messenger to Kamsa with an invitation, but Bar Kamsa got invited instead. According to most opinions, Kamsa was not at the party, because Bar Kamsa was accidentally invited instead of him. Then Bar Kamsa was thrown out of the party because the unknown man didn’t like him.
The question is asked, why are we blaming Kamsa? He was never even at the party, and he’s the one that was liked by the unknown host. What does he have to do with our story?
There are different answers given. One answer is that in truth, he had nothing to do with it. The Bet Hamikdash was destroyed over confusion between Kamsa and Bar Kamsa, but Kamsa is not to blame at all. That is what the Chida says.
But most others do blame Kamsa. Why? One answer is that if Kamsa was a good friend of the host, and he knew that the host had an enemy, it’s his job, as a good friend, to make peace.
This is an important lesson for us. If you know your friend is in an argument, don’t be there to back up the argument. As an outsider, you don’t have the same biases as he does. You can see things straight. Your job, as a good friend, is to put some peaceful ideas into his mind. That’s our first lesson.
That is why Kamsa the friend was responsible- for not intervening.
The second lesson is that the whole story started because Kamsa needed a messenger sent to him in order to invite him to the party. The messenger didn’t come, so he didn’t go to the party. This is where all the confusion started. If, in truth, he would have gone to the party, that might have avoided the whole story. He would have been there, and he could’ve said, “Calm down it’s a mistake. It’s a confusion.“
Why did he even need a messenger to begin with? Why not just go to the party?
The rabbis explain that Kamsa with somebody who stood on ceremony. That is why he wasn’t at the party, and that is why he needed a messenger to invite him. And that is where the whole story started. If Kamsa would not have stood on ceremony, this never would have happened.
This is another important lesson for us. How often do fights come about, because people think that they weren’t invited to a party? Invitations get lost in the mail, and people do forget.
But if you are really a friend, and you think you should be at the bris, or at whatever event it is, go anyway. A good friend goes anyway and does not stand on ceremony. And if you got the invite instead of your wife, or vice versa …you’re a couple! How many invites do they have to send? How many text messages do they have to make?
Don’t stand on ceremony.
That is the lesson of Kamsa and Bar Kamsa.
Have a wonderful day.