In our last unit on Ahavat Yisrael as it relates to one’s spouse, we will quote from the Pele Yoetz, who speaks separately to both the husband and wife on a similar topic.
First, he tells the husband, “If you want best fence, in order to prevent fights in the home, do not be so exacting about every penny spent.”
That is good advice. Don’t sit there accounting that two or three dollars extra were spent here or there, or ask how much the avocados cost. Don’t be so exacting.
If a person has money, he should let his wife spend it. He should make her happy, because beracha/blessing comes down, only because of the wife.. If she is happy and there is shalom in the house, then the beracha can come down. He has to realize who is bringing the Baracha.
I heard a beautiful mashal many years ago from Alan Haber on a tape (!) entitled, “Who is the Walmart Buyer”
Imagine a man who had a hard day at work and came home and told his wife not to bother him or talk to him, because he had a hard day. He goes to lay down in the living room to unwind. 10 minutes later the doorbell rings and it is none other than Bob, the Walmart buyer. The man pops up, all energized and smiling and has a long conversation with Bob. Bob is the buyer, he’s the one that makes the orders.
Says Alan Haber, who is the Walmart buyer of your home? Your wife! She is the one that brings the blessing down. So use the same energy and enthusiasm that you have for when the Walmart buyers call,for your wife.
Don’t be so exacting on the money she spends, because she’s bringing it in. It is a business expense. That is the advice that the Pele Yoetz gives to the husband.
To the wife, he says, “There are women that don’t realize, and they get into fights with their husbands because they aren’t giving them enough money. That is silly. Let’s analyze it. If the husband is truly poor, and cannot afford it it’s bad enough that he is poor and can’t afford it. He’s too embarrassed to tell his wife, so don’t add pain onto his pain. Rather, do the opposite. A wife should comfort her husband and tell him not to feel bad. She should tell him not to worry, because Hashem will turn it around. And if they don’t have in this world, then they will have in the next world. She should tell him to be happy, they will survive. She should say things to make him happy and alleviate his concerns.
So the Pele Yoetz tells the husband not to be exacting, then he tells the wife not to demand so much if her husband can’t afford it. That says the Pele Yoetz, is the secret to success.To be able to look away at expenses ( if you can, of course)And to be easy-going on that topic to help one’s marriage and bring the Beracha, which we are all looking for.