We continue with the Bet HaLevi’s discussion that rebuke has to come from love. He quotes a pasuk in Mishleh (3,12) כִּי אֶת־אֲשֶׁר יֶאֱהַב ה׳ יוֹכִיחַ וּכְאָב אֶת־בֵּן יִרְצֶה
The one who God loves, He rebukes, like a father to a son that wants.
What does wants mean?
Rashi says that after the father rebukes the son, the father wants to appease him and do good for him.
That is human nature. After a father has to rebuke his child, he wants rekindle the relationship. It hurts to be in that situation.
When I was about 3-5 years old and living in Silver Springs, I remember being punished by my father and sent to my room, probably for fighting with my younger brother. I still remember my mother smuggling some snack into the room.
That’s the way it is- you punish your child, but feel scared that your relationship will be weakened, so you try to soften it.
So too, Rashi says, that after someone gets rebuked by Hashem, there will be an added sweetness.
The Bet Levi’s point is that we have to emulate God.
Our rebuke has to be like the parent who doesn’t want to lose the relationship.
When you give someone mussar, you have to have the feeling of wanting to smuggle a snack into the room. If you don’t do it this way, it won’t work. That is what Rashi says.
Rabbenu Yonah, in Shaar Teshuva ( Shaar 2, אות ד) quotes from the Sifri in Devarim that says, “Rabbi Eliezer ben Yaakov says, As long as a person is serene, his sins are not forgiven. (But)Through suffering, he becomes wanted by God,” and he quotes the above pasuk from Mishleh כִּי אֶת־אֲשֶׁר יֶאֱהַב ה׳ יוֹכִיחַ וּכְאָב אֶת־בֵּן יִרְצֶה
Hashem gives mussar, and just like a father wants to get along with his son afterwards, so too, with God.
But he adds another explanation. The father only rebukes the son that he wants, and he doesn’t rebuke the children that he gave up on, because he knows it won’t help them. And, as we’ve said, this is the way God works. He only gives mussar to the children that He knows it will help.
It’s the same with our friends. We aren’t here to beat people up. If you know it’s not going to work, don’t even go there. It’s not about bashing people, it’s about helping to fix a person.
These are important lessons, because if we don’t know how to rebuke, we can’t rebuke.
Have a wonderful day.