The Bet HaLevi tells us that we have to be extremely careful not to get upset or angry with family members.
The Chida, in his work Moreh Be’etzba (4:140), cites the story told in the Gemara (Gittin 52a) of two men whom the Satan would cause to get into a fight every week on Erev Shabbat. Rabbi Meir arrived in the town and spent three weeks there, bringing peace between these two people. As he was leaving, he heard a voice proclaim, “Woe that Rabbi Meir threw him [referring to the Satan] out of his house!” Through his peacemaking efforts, Rabbi Meir succeeded in overcoming the Satan and driving him away.
The Chida explains that Erev Shabbat is a time when the yetzer hara comes into our homes and tries to create anger and tension.
In his words, Friday afternoon is a dangerous time for fighting between husband and wife and with one’s the servants (or domestic help), as the yetzer hara tries very hard to instigate fighting. A G-d-fearing person will subdue his evil inclination so there will be no fighting or anger. To the contrary, one should pursue peace.
The Ben Ish Chai (Parshat Vayera, Shana Sheniya, 1) cites the Chida’s comments and develops this concept further. He notes that people might naturally be inclined to attribute the mishaps and problems that arise on Erev Shabbat to the natural hustle and bustle of Shabbat preparation.
In truth, however, these things happen because of the Satan. It is not a natural result of preparing for Shabbat, but rather, a concentrated effort of the Satan.
Therefore, when a housekeeper, child or spouse makes a mistake on Friday, one should say, “What can I expect from him/her? Is it possible to fight the Satan?”
We all know how things often go wrong on Shabbat afternoon. When this happens, one should just ignore the mishap and realize that this is an opportunity to overcome a challenge posed by the Satan.
This is a very interesting concept.
These types of situations have happened in all of our homes, I’m sure, and yet we usually attribute them, as a Ben Ish Chai says, to the rush of the Friday afternoon. But the Ben Ish Chai is telling us that no, it is more than that. Shabbat is known as Shabbat Shalom- a time of peace. Therefore, the yetzer hara makes a a concerted effort, before Shabbat comes in, to interfere and cause arguments, so that we go into Shabbat with a sour taste.
Imagine a mother telling her daughter to take a vase fill it with water, and put the flowers in. With only minutes until Shabbat, the daughter walks from the sink to the dining room table, slips and the vase shatters all over the floor.
The mother might get upset at her daughter, asking her why she’s so clumsy.
But the Ben Ish Chai tells us to imagine that the Satan stuck his foot out and tripped the girl. What do you want from her? Is she able to overcome the Satan trying to cause arguments?
This pressure includes the arguments over who takes a shower next, and all of the things that go on and any normal home on Erev Shabbat.
We should not attribute all of this to the natural hustle and bustle of Friday afternoon. These things probably don’t happen when people are rushing to get out of the house for a family vacation. We must attribute it to the power of the Satan to interfere with Shabbat.
Why does the Satan specifically interfere with Shabbat?
Shabbat is the מקור הברכה – the source of all blessing – but in order to receive the blessings made available on Shabbat, one must maintain an aura of peace and serenity in the home. The Mishnah in Masechet Uktzin comments,
אין כלי מחזיק ברכה אלא השלום – “There is no better receptacle for blessing than peace.”
Everything needs a vessel or receptacle. If you pour wine into a glass, and the glass has a crack in it, even the best wine will spill all over the floor.
The receptacle to hold blessing is Shalom. We say Shabbat Shalom because we need peace on Shabbat, in order to receive all the blessings.
The Satan’s job is to interfere with this, and that is why he tries to make machloket on Erev Shabbat.
If we keep all of this in mind, we will save ourselves from the most argumentative time of the week.
Have a wonderful day.