In the previous lesson, we mentioned the concept of CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, and how by changing a thought one can change his behaviors, feelings and emotions, because they are all interrelated.
We can use this technique to fix our Middot. As was mentioned, Rav Wolbe pre-dated this psychological concept, bringing down from the Rambam that when one changes his mindset, he changed his Middot.
There is a famous Ibn Ezra
(Shemot 20,14)on Lo Tachmod/Thou shalt not covet, which is last of the Ten Commandments, that discusses this concept.
The Ibn Ezra says that many people are amazed at this mitzvah. How can you tell somebody not to want something that looks good?
To explain, he uses the mashal of a simple villager who sees a princess. He doesn’t even think of marrying her, because he knows that it would be impossible.
Similarly, one is not jealous of a bird because it can fly. The Ibn Ezra states that anyone that has any intellect does not get jealous of that something that is beyond him.
When the Ibn Ezra says, “anyone with intellect,” he’s telling us to play with our brains, in order to affect our emotions. If you have the intellectual capacity to understand that someone has a beautiful, house, car, etc., because God gave it to him, then you can understand that that object is more removed from you than the princess, or the bird’s wings. Therefore, you will not have any desire for that object, because you realize that God did not want to give it to you, and thus you will not get it with your strengths, tactics or planning. Rather, when you rely on Hashem, He will give you what you need.
This, says the Ibn Ezra, is a change in feelings and behavior based on thoughts and cognition.
Furthermore, the Rishonim say that Sinat Hinam/Baseless Hatred stems from jealousy. A mnemonic device to illustrate this point is the word
קש-Kash/Straw, which burns and has no use. It stands for Kina, jealousy, and Sina/hatred
People hate others because they are jealous of them. They dislike people because they have more, or because they are better, more popular, stronger smarter, richer etc.
But a person should realize that just like he’s not jealous of the fish that swim in the ocean, none of those things were meant for him, because they aren’t in his realm.
The Ibn Ezra is teaching us that the ability to change our behaviors and feelings is based on our cognition, and that is the secret of how to overcome Sinat hinam. It all starts with Emuna and Bitachon, and that is why these topics are extremely interconnected.