There are many thoughts on this week’s Parashat Veyechi which connect to Ahavat Yisrael.
The first is that Yaakov Avinu was about to die and called for his son Yosef. He asked Yosef to bury him, and to “Do with me a Hesed V’Emet/ kindness and truth.”
This refers to burial, which is called Hesed Shel Emet- A kindness that is true.
It is called this because there is no ulterior motive involved.
When a person goes to someone’s wedding, he thinks that maybe the person will come to his wedding, when a person goes to someone’s bar mitzvah, he thinks those people will come to his son’s bar mitzvah. And likewise for Brit Milah and other functions. But when a person attends someone’s funeral, he doesn’t do it because he thinks this person will attend his funeral. You can’t get any payback from doing something for a person who passed away. That is why it’s called a Hesed shel Emet/true kindness because there is no motive of getting payback. The Shelah Hakadosh says this pasuk that the main hesed is when you do something -not to be rewarded. When one does such a Hesed, he is called a Nediv/ a generous person.
But, he says, when somebody does a kindness in order to get repaid, he is called a businessman. He’s making a hesed investment, in order to get paid back later. It’s like putting money into an ‘emotional bank account.’ Eventually, he would like to withdraw that “money” at some point. That is not a Hesed Shel Emet. That’s business man.
The Shelah says that a person has to condition himself to do true kindness. It has brought down in the Sefarim that a person should try to do a kindness that nobody knows about. Rabbi Miller lists that in his 10 steps to greatness. A
Kindness that nobody knows about, that you won’t get paid back for. For example, if you’re coming home from a wedding late one night and you notice that your neighbor forgot to put his garbage out, bring their garbage to the curb, and don’t mention it to him. The next day, when he sees his garbage on the curb, he may think that maybe he did remember it after all, but you just go on your merry way and say nothing. That’s a Hesed shel Emet. Anonymously adding time to somebody’s parking meter…. there are endless examples of how a person can do acts of kindness that nobody knows about, that he’s not looking to get rewarded for. He says that when you do this, you are following in the ways of Hashem, because God is the ultimate in doing kindness for free. God doesn’t need anything. God created the world to do kindness. He is not looking for any payback. He didn’t need anything. So when we do Hesed shel Emet we are doing kindness like Hashem.