As we have been learning, Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha- Love your friend like you love yourself, applies to everyone, from strangers to wicked people. Now we will discuss someone closer to home- your spouse.
Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha applies husband to wife, and wife to husband.
And actually, in the berachot we make at a wedding (and for the following seven days), we say, “They should be happy, those beloved friends,” using the same term for “friends” as written in the Mitzvah Vehavta LeRe’echa Kamocha. The husband and wife are called beloved friends. They have Ahavat Re’im.
In the Sefer Ruach Chaim ( Pirkei Avot, chapter 6, Mishnah 1), Rav Chaim Volozhin brings down a pasuk in Mishleh (25,17)
הֹקַר רַגְלְךָ מִבֵּית רֵעֶךָ פֶּן־יִשְׂבָּעֲךָ וּשְׂנֵאֶךָ
“You should not ‘cool off’ your feet in the house of your friend.” In other words, don’t spend so much time there. Don’t wear out the welcome mat. He says that this applies to a regular friend, but for re’im ahuvim/ beloved friends, it’s just the opposite. The longer the relationship, the more the love develops.
This is a responsibility. There is a husband to wife belovedness that is not just a regular Mitzvah, but rather one that should be constantly increasing. It’s a Re’im Ahuvim
Sometimes people don’t realize that. They take their spouses for granted, and they don’t think that there is any special Mitzvah of Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha to a spouse. But, as we said at the beginning of this series, kavana/intent is very important. So when you do something for your husband or wife, have in mind Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha.
There’s a famous story about Rav Aryeh Levine. When his wife sprained her ankle, they went to the doctor together. And when the doctor asked why they were there, the rabbi responded, “Our foot hurts.” That is the love that is supposed be, between husband and wife. They are one unit.
This aspect of Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha is quite close to us, and charity begins in the home. Let us focus on this mitzvah of Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha that might seem quite simple, but isn’t simple at all.
Have a wonderful day.