We continue with the Bet HaLevi, who quotes a Gemara in Masechet Makot to bring out his point. The Gemara says,
“A Soneh/Someone who hates his friend and kills him by mistake doesn’t go to exile.”
A person goes to exile if he kills someone by mistake, but if he hates the person, then there is a suspicion that it wasn’t really a mistake, so he he doesn’t get that reprieve of exile.
What is the definition of a Soneh? The Gemara, in Mesechet Sanhedrin 27b, says
it is someone who hasn’t spoke to his friend in three days, out of anger or hate (not because he hasn’t seen him for three days).
If a person is in the same office, synagogue, or town as someone, and he isn’t on speaking terms with that person, he is considered someone who hates, and as such, there are certain laws that apply. For example, he can’t be a judge in that person’s case.
The Chafetz Chaim says in his sefer Ahavat Yisrael (chapter 2) that this is very common. People get into small arguments and they aren’t on speaking terms. They don’t really outright hate eachother. They aren’t punching each other, they just avoid each other; they would rather not meet. They don’t see eye to eye. They aren’t on the same terms. But this is called a Soneh.
A person who isn’t in speaking terms, he says, is transgressing the negative commandment of, “Don’t hate your brother, in your heart.” Every second.
Therefore, he says, we have to pay attention to this. For some small, little squabble, you will be stumbling on this very severe, extremely scary sin.
It’s important to point this out. There are often scenarios with former business partners, or even old teachers, or principals that a parent disagreed with… and when they see this person, they cross to the other side of the street, because they’d rather not talk to them.
Even if you aren’t hurting him, or speaking lashon hara about him, and you just don’t want to have anything to do with him, that’s called a Soneh, and that is not acceptable in our religion. Therefore, this is something to pay attention to.
Have a wonderful day.