We continue with our special guest, Rabbi Nosson Scherman, shlita, and his beautiful stories of Gedolim:
Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach was one of the greatest Jews of the previous generation. He was a good friend and colleague of Rav Elyashiv, and passed away about 15 years before Rav Elyashiv. He was a very, very, great man.
A young man once came to Rav Auerbach saying that he wasn’t sure his marriage could continue, because he was always arguing with his wife.
Rav Shlomo Zalman told him that it was normal to disagree, as people come from different families and backgrounds.
· But then the young man pointed out that when Rav Shlomo Zalman’s Rebbitzen had passed away, the Rav said he had no need to ask mechila – forgiveness (as is the usual custom) of the Nifteret ( deceased) , because they never argued.
Rav Shlomo Zalman clarified to the young man, “I didn’t say that we never argued. I said I don’t have to ask mechilla because we never had a serious disagreement.
Of course we argued. We didn’t always agree. But it was never personal. We never got angry at, or insulted each other. If we had a disagreement, we’d discuss it and work it out.”
Rav Nosson continues….
“During the Shiva, after my wife passed away, a very well known marriage counselor came to be Menachem Avel. She spoke to my daughters and asked them how we had had such a good marriage. One of my daughters said, “When my mother had an opinion, my father did not have an opinion. And with my father had an opinion, my mother didn’t.”
In other words, you don’t get into foolish arguments with each other. If she had a strong opinion. I was mevater. If I had a strong opinion, she was mevater.
If we both had strong opinions , then we worked it out. It was never personal.
We always worked it out in a nice, kind, respectful way.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Rav Wolbe once said, “A marriage that doesn’t have an argument isn’t a marriage, because that means you aren’t even getting in to anything. But it always hs to be over a cup of tea.”
Argue, but over a cup of tea.
Have a wonderful day.