In Orchot Yosher, Rav Chaim Kanievsky’s musar sefer ( Artscroll, 295) the following story is told:
In the middle of the night, someone came knocking at the window of Rav Chaim’s home. Rav Chaim got up, in alarm, to see what happened. He found a Jewish man standing outside, who apologized for the late hour, but said that the matter fell into the category of Pikuah Nefesh/ Life and Death.
Rav Chaim, ready to help, asked what was going on. The man said that his son was scheduled to have a Brit Milah in the morning, but he and his wife were arguing about which name to give the boy- from his side or hers.
Rav Chaim advised the man to give the boy both names, and the man happily went home.
The story shows us the patience of Gedolim. Rather than rebuke the man for waking him up in the middle of the night, Rav Chaim calmly gave him advice. Imagine if something like that happened to us!
We would be remiss if we just told of Rav Chaim’s patience , and not of his wife’s.
Rav Shraga Shteinman, Rav Chaim’s son-in-law, tells of a person who had mental challenges. He had learned with Rav Chaim in yeshiva when he was younger, and often came to the Kanievsky home. As was her habit, the Rebitzen always welcomed him pleasantly and gave him something to eat, because he was lonely.
Their bathroom door (like many in Israel in those days) had a window above it, and this fellow, who was not completely sane, would spend a long time in the bathroom before calling out, “I’m hungry!”
The Rebitzen would then devotedly send a bowl of food to him down through the bathroom window!
The patience that Rav Chaim and his wife had for all the people that came into their home, at all hours of the day and night, is mind boggling. Anyone who has ever been there knows that it was literally what’s called a Reshut Harabim/Public Thoroughfare. They had no privacy, they just took care of everyone else. We aren’t anywhere near that, but we have to appreciate this level of patience, which is really rooted in humility. The Gemara, when it talks about the famous Hillel, tells of how humble he was. In the famous story of two people that had a bet about whether they could get Hillel angry, they went to his house on Erev Shabbat as he was in shower, and they knocked on his door frantically with an important question. Hillel got out of the shower, put on his robe, and went to see what they needed. When he asked them what the emergency was, one fellow asked, “Why do people from certain town have flat feet?“ After Hillel explained the answer and they left, he waited a little and then went back in the shower.
Ten minutes later, they banged on the door again, with an “emergency.” This time, they asked why people from a certain town had eyes shaped in a different fashion. Hillel answered them and went back inside, to finish his shower. When they came a third time, they said that they couldn’t get him angry and asked him if he was Hillel. When he said yes, they told him there should be no more people like him in the world. When he asked why, one man said, “Because I lost money on you. I lost the bet.“ And Hillel still did not get angry.
Rabbi Ades points out that the Gemara uses this story, about the patience of Hillel, as an example of his humility. People who are humble are patient. The source of our lack of patience is arrogance. Who do you think you are, to bother me in the middle of the night? Once you take out all the ego, patience comes much more easily.
Of course, this is a sobering concept. How much patience do we have? We have to realize the need for patience, even with people who are challenging.
Have a wonderful day.