Up until now, we have been discussing the mitzvah of Rebuke. The simple meaning of rebuke is that when you see somebody sin or do something wrong, you tell them.
The Rambam in Hilchot De’ot chapter 6 adds an additional understanding to what rebuke means.
He brings it into the pasuk,
“Don’t hate your friends, rather rebuke him.”
If you don’t rebuke your friend, for a sin between man and God, that means that you don’t really care for him. If you cared for him, you would try to fix his act.
The Rambam adds to the explanation. He says that when a person’s friend sins to him, he shouldn’t hate him and be quiet, like it says regarding the wicked people, “Avshalom didn’t speak to Amnon at all, neither good nor bad, because he hated him.”
It is not a good thing to keep it inside when someone hurts you, or bothers you, unless it is because you want to work on yourself and forgive him. However, if you don’t forgive him, and you walk around being upset with a person, that is wrong. That is the way wicked people act, says the Rambam.
He says that it is one of the 613 Mitzvot, a positive commandment, no different than Mezuzah, tefilin, etrog lulav matzah or tzizit.
It’s a mitzva to say, “Why did you do this to me?“ Why did you block my driveway yesterday? because it says, “Rebuke your friend.”
Here rebuke doesn’t mean you did something wrong to God. Here it means you did something wrong to me.
It’s a mitzva to tell the person. Either that, or work on yourself to get it out of your heart.
If you don’t tell him, he will never be able to ask forgiveness.
Quite often, once you tell somebody, you find out that the person didn’t mean what you thought he meant. You were mindreading without even know what happened.
Give him the chance to defend himself.
Say, “It seems like xyz….”
We have a responsibility to clarify things. Rav Wolbe says that Tochacha doesn’t really mean rebuke. It means to prove or clarify. When something is clear or apparent, we say it’s Muchach.
Clarify the situation.
It is a Mitzvah in the Torah, that when someone does something wrong to you, you have a responsibility to clarify it- This is an unbelievable Hiddush.
Furthermore, after you’ve told the person and he asks for forgiveness, you have to forgive. Don’t be cruel and not forgive the person.
The pasuk says that after Avimelelch kidnapped Sara, Avraham prayed for him. He forgave him, and prayed for him. That is the Jewish way.
To recap,
Rebuke is not just when someone sins to God, rebuke is also when someone sins to you
Have a wonderful day.