The Bet Halevi quotes a pasuk from Parashat Kedoshim,
“Don’t hate your brother in your heart; rather rebuke him.”
He also quotes the Zohar that says that rebuke has to come from love. “Show him a great amount of love; your concern should be that he should not be punished.”
The reason for this is, as a pasuk in Mishleh says, “God rebukes the one that He loves.”
And in everything that we do, we have to emulate God.
As we mentioned yesterday, the fact that we are in Galut for all these years does not come from a vengeful, angry God. It comes from a loving God, who loves people and cares for them, and therefore, rebukes them.
Furthermore, Hashem only rebukes those that He loves.
Hashem has a system. First, He rebukes a person in privacy, so that no one knows about it. It’s his own personal issue.
Then, if the rebuke is not accepted, Hashem rebukes him in front of his friends, so that only his inner circle knows. And then if not, it gets even more public.
But if, ultimately, the person still doesn’t listen, Hashem says, “I am not here to punish. I’m just trying to make him better.”
So too, this is how we should be with our fellow man.
The Tomar Devorah quotes the concept that Hashem says, “I tried rebuking but it is not working, I’ll stop rebuking.”
There comes a point in time when you’ve tried and tried, but it doesn’t work.
Many years ago, my father and I visited a great psychologist, Dr Rabbi Greeenwald, in Bayit Vegan. We asked him to tell us a powerful story.
He said there was once a young man who went of the Derech, and as much as his parents tried to stop him, to change him, to rebuke him, it did not work. They asked Dr. Greeenwald for help, and he told them that there is nothing more powerful than love. Love is stronger than death. He advised the mother that after the boy came home from a night of partying and woke up at 10 AM the next day, she should scramble him some eggs and make him a nice breakfast. He also suggested that she iron his clothing before he goes out to party. He told her to just show the boy love, as obviously, the other approach was not working.
Eventually the boy turned around.
Of course, one has to seek advice from someone who knows what they are doing, but the point is that rebuke only comes from love, and the same love that is there in the omelettes and the ironing is there in the rebuke. That is the only way that rebuke works.
Don’t hate your brother in your heart, rather rebuke him.
Rebuke must not come from hate, that is the only way it works..
Have a wonderful day.