Today we will quote a thought from the Rabbi of Ponovezh, Rav Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman, from the sefer on his life ( vol 3, page 102).
The Rosh, a Rishon, wrote a musar sefer called Orchot Chayim/Ways of Life, with various one-liners, which the rabbis spend a lot of time understanding.
One of the lines he wrote is, “Don’t speak between Netilat Yadayim and Hamotzi, and greet every person.”
Seemingly, these two statements are unrelated. One is a law about not talking between Netilat Yadayim and Hamotzi, while the other is just that a person should always be friendly. What’s the connection?
He explains that the Tur quotes from the Rishonim that halachically, one really can talk between Netilat Yadayim and Hamotzi, but it’s a Midat Hasidut/a piousness not to. There are certain times that you are allowed to talk- for example, to ask for the salt. It’s not so severe, although the Halacha says you shouldn’t.
But then the Tur adds, “When my father, the Rosh, was the Baal Habayit and washed Netilat Yadayim with many people, he would wash last.”
Why?
One explanation was so that there would be less of an interruption between his washing and making Hamotzi.
But what about everyone else? Only he cared? Would he grab the Mitzvah to wash last?
The Ponovezher Rav explains the Rosh’s quandary- on one hand, he wanted to wash Netilat Yadayim and not talk afterwards, because that was the right thing to do. On the other hand, he had guests over and wanted to talk to them and see if they needed anything.
So the Rosh worked out a solution- he’d wash last. That way, he could take care of every one’s needs, and make sure they were seated at the table. Then, he wouldn’t have that much to do between Netilat Yadayim and Hamotzi. He could keep the added chumra but still care for other people.
But what happened if the Baal HaBayit washed last, and then a guest walked in? Would he start saying, “Hmm, hmm, hmm,” and not answer his guest?
In that case, the Rosh is giving us a disclaimer. That is why, after he says the law of not speaking in between Netilat Yadayim and Hamotzi, he adds the rule “And say hello to every person.“
Why? To tell us that sometimes we have to break that rule. If someone is in need, you can talk after Netilat Yadayim.
(This is not the venue for a Halachik ruling, but rather, we are looking at this from a Mussar perspective.
Rabbi Yaakov Hillel once complained to me that he was visiting someone in a hotel lobby. The fellow was doing Shnayim Mikrah, and when Rabbi Hillel walked over, the man said, “Hmm hmm hmm.”
Rabbi Hillel said that is not Derech Eretz. Of course, it’s a chumra not to talk during Shnayim Mikrah. But if someone comes over to you, you can pause and say hello. Even in halacha, there are times in Keriat Shema that you can technically speak to someone, to say hello (we might not do this today because people aren’t as concerned) out of respect for someone. It’s not simple to overstate our stringencies between man and God, and trample on the Ben Adam L’Chavero.
Have a wonderful day.