Today we will quote from one of the sefarim of the famous author of the Pele Yoetz, Rav Eliezer Papo, called Orit Elim. He quotes different midrashim, and Gemarot, and he quotes the following Zohar
(Helek ב , Parashat Ki Tisa, 190B)
Rabbi Abba said all of those Chaveirim, (which is translated as rabbis-but doesn’t only apply to rabbis) that don’t love each other leave the world early before their time has come, like the students of Rabbi Akiva that died early because they didn’t respect each other.
This is quite a statement- it’s not like the students of Rabbi Akiva were some strange aberration. The Zohar is saying that it’s a general rule for all Torah scholars that don’t respect or love each other. Then he quotes Rabbi Shimon who said that the Torah scholars that don’t love each other will not go on the right path, because they can’t be successful in their studies or life accomplishments, because the Shechina/God’s presence leaves people that don’t love each other and therefore they don’t have the help from the Shechina to go on the right path.
Again, this is not just for Torah scholars. This is for anybody. You need the Shechina to help you go on the right path, and when a person doesn’t get along with somebody else, the Shechina leaves. We know this about a husband and wife- It says that when a husband and wife get along, the Shechina dwells amongst them, and if you take the yud from the word for man, Ish איש and the heh word for lady אשה Isha, it spells Hashem’s name)
But the Zohar is saying here that any friends that get along bring the Shechina down. We have learned this in the past, from the Chida- the pasuk says Veahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha, Ani Hashem - If you love your friends like you love yourself, the Shechina dwells in you.
And he continues with the positive aspect of this rule- he says the Torah scholars from the time of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai loved each other- with a true love , and therefore, in those times, they were able to learn the secrets of the Zohar in an unbelievable way. This is a tremendous hiddush- The reason why these rabbis reached such high levels was because of their friendship.
The Arizal, in his time, also wrote about the importance of friendship when he was revealing his secrets.
In order to reach the highest levels, you need God’s help, And you only get God’s help if you are getting along with people. This is an important rule because we always need God’s help, and we all need the Shechina in our lives.
That is all from the Zohar, but the Pele Yoetz adds his own personal touch in his sefer. He says that in order to have this love, you need two similar people who have both perfected their middot. But he says we don’t always see that both people have perfected middot… and he adds something important ..At least if one of them is perfect in his middot, then he can overcome and know how to deal with his friend, according to his friend’s needs, And then they’ll be able to get along.
This is an important rule. We have to be proactive. You can blame everything on everybody, but ultimately there is a certain part of your life that you are in control of and if you have the right middot and the right attitude you can deal with whoever it is. Then we can have shalom. At least one side of the equation needs to have good middot.
He writes about this concept again in the sefer Orit Elim, when discussing Avot D’Rebi Natan ( chapter 8, mishna 3) He says that it is hard to find a good friend because love can come only with similar people – similar interest, similar styles. It’s hard to get along with people who have different ways. Your middot and deot/ outlooks have to be similar. But again, he says the other secret for a good friendship is that one can tolerate his friend’s middot and act with him according to his middot. So yes, it is great when both people like to be on time for things, or when two people both like the same style of learning. But you don’t always find that. So you need one person that will say, it’s OK, I’ll go with your way. That is the secret of friendship, the secret of Shechina , and the secret of success.
Have a wonderful day.