We continue with the Bet Halevi who quotes the words of the Masechet Derech Eretz, chapter 3:
You should be humble in front of all people, To people of your household, even more than everyone else, and if you complain, and fight with your household, you will end up in Gehinom
These are powerful words. We have been discussing complaining all week, but now it hits home (no pun intended).
To not have complaints in your household is a whole different story. That’s the biggest territory that we have to work on- how we are in our own homes.
Rabbi Ades once told the following story:
When he was in his mid-forties, his friend once asked him to join him in going into Galut/exile. The great rabbis of old used to go into self-imposed exile. They’d leave their homes and their positions, and go to places where nobody knew them. They would sit unknown in a shul, without any honor, go from house to house for meals, and spend their time learning, connecting to God and meditating in peace, without getting respected.
This friend wanted to take a few weeks during the summer when they were off to go to Haifa, where no one knew them, sit in shul and learn all day, got to people houses for meals.. etc. He thought that this was the way they could get closer to God.
Rabbi Ades responded, “You don’t want to go into Galut, you want to go on a picnic! It’s much easier to go into Galut than to stay at home and deal with your crying kids and your wife… you just want a vacation.”
People don’t realIze that you can grow from the house that you’re in, by overcoming the challenges of day to day life in your household, by not complaining, by complimenting.
Another Rabbi Ades story: Many years ago, we went to Meron on Lag B’Omer, and from there, we went straight to Rabbi Ades’ house just as the sun was setting on Lag B’Omer.
We excitedly told him all the different things we had done, and we mentioned that we had gone to the Arizals’s Mikveh.
It says that when you go into the ice cold of the Arizal’s Mikveh, your sins are forgiven.
Rav Ades answered that every time you walk into your house, when you open the door, think that you are diving into the Arizal’s Mikveh. The Arizal’s Mikveh is very cold, and you have to get ready for the change in temperature. You brace yourself for it, because you know you are acquiring great levels.
Likewise, every time you walk into your house and there are challenges and difficulties, and you walk in with a smile and keep your composure, you are diving into the Arizal’s Mikveh.
But the main thing is to realize it, so the you can brace yourself and say, “Wow! This is cleansing! This is great!”
This is the cleansing factor of dealing with the day to day life in your household without complaining.
To be continued…