We continue with the words of the Bet HaLevi, who quotes from Mesechet Derech Eretz, chapter 9.
“Rav Eliezer Hakapar says, Stay away from complaining, for if you complain that will add sin.”
This is a very important point, so, B’ezrat Hashem, we will spend some time on it. The negativity of complaining impacts our Ahavat Yisrael/ love of our fellow Jews, and it actually causes hatred.
Shlomo HaMelech, the wisest of men, tells us in Mishleh (chapter 16 verse 28)
אִישׁ תַּהְפֻּכוֹת יְשַׁלַּח מָדוֹן וְנִרְגָּן מַפְרִיד אַלּוּף
A man who flip-flops sends arguments
And a Nirgan/complainer separates the “Aluf.”
Rashi says that Aluf refers to Alufo shel Olam/the Chieftain of the world- God, which means that complainers separate themselves from God.
That is a powerful line, but before we get to how complaining impacts God, we will explore how it impacts people.
Rabbenu Yonah, in Shaare Teshuva ( gate 3,letter 231) talks about the Nirgan/complainer, quoting another pasuk from Shlomo HaMelech, who, in many places, discusses complainers.
In Mishleh (18/8) it says,
“דִּבְרֵי נִרְגָּן כְּמִתְלַהֲמִים וְהֵם יָרְדוּ חַדְרֵי־בָטֶן
The words of the complainer are bruising (or shocking) and they enter the depths of the belly
(one’s most inner self)
Who is this Nirgan? Rabbenu Yonah says he’s the man that is always complaining, and who will find complaints about everything.
Whatever his friend does or says, he is always complaining, even when the friend is trying to help. And when there’s a mistake, it turns malicious. He always turns himself into the victim, but Rabbenu Yonah says that he is not the victim. He is the perpetrator. His constant complaints are like darts in the other person’s heart.
Rabbi Ades said that the biggest destroyer of Shalom Bayit is complaints. Every complaint is another dart in the heart. He once told a young man, that every time that he complained to your wife, he should throw a dart into the wall. Then he told the young man to see how easily those holes in the wall could be filled.
Not that easy.
That is what happens when a person constantly complains, and it is a starter of Sinat Hinam and the opposite of Ahavat Yisrael.
B’ezrat Hashem, we will speak more about this over the week.
Rabbi Ades once told some future husbands to keep track of how many they make.
What is a complaint? Even the most minor things -for example, “Why did you put the cups over there? They belong over there.”
That is a complaint.
For homework, be aware of how many complaints you make.
Have a wonderful day.