The Trap of All-or-Nothing Thinking
Welcome to Daily Bitachon. Today, we continue exploring why our kabbalot (spiritual commitments) sometimes fail. A major challenge is "all-or-nothing" thinking, which blinds us to the truth that spiritual growth happens in gradual, manageable stages rather than through overnight transformation. It is never a simple question of "either I have arrived or I haven't." There are infinite tiers of service, and while great sages adopted holy practices far beyond ordinary reach, every person is judged and held accountable strictly according to their current personal level.
Accountability on Every Level
The Pele Yoetz, discussing the concept of Pachad (awe/fear), recounts an incident from the time of the Rambam. A pious man hesitated to recite the Viduy (confessional) on Yom Kippur, reasoning that he had not committed any transgressions on the list and refused to utter falsehoods before Hashem. The Rambam corrected him, explaining that if he truly understood the immense gravity and supreme standard of serving Hashem, he would realize that not a single day passes without transgressing every item on that list relative to his stature. A person is judged according to the magnitude of their wisdom—just as King David was held accountable to an exceedingly fine standard—and claiming to have an empty list of faults is itself an error requiring an accounting.
A Lessons in Levels
Years ago, on Purim, I visited a not yet fully observant acquaintance while tipsy from wine. When he offered me non- mevushal wine, I asked if he observed Shabbat, explaining that wine handled by a Shabbat violator has specific halachic statuses. As I asked about using a remote control or driving on Shabbat, the hostess remarked, "Rabbi, there are levels!" as I continued to go down the list and the answers were negative, she counted to say rabbi there are levels. I then asked, "If you were driving on Shabbat and a prominent rabbi passed by, would you wave and say Shabbat Shalom?" She replied, "Of course not, that would be disgraceful!" Even within non-observance, degrees of sensitivity exist; years later, that same individual proudly shared that their family had taken the step to stop texting on Yom Tov. Small, consistent steps build momentum over time.
Moving Up from Where You Stand
I once attended a class where Chacham Ben Zion was asked about the halachic permissibility of using electric shavers versus trimmers or depilatory creams. His guidance illustrated this dynamic clearly: if someone currently uses an actual razor (a strict Torah prohibition), moving to an electric shaver is a major positive step; however, if someone already uses an electric shaver, their next step of growth is to adopt a higher stringency , not shaving at all. Growth is relative to where you stand today.
Nuance in Daily Mitzvot
Consider the mitzvah of Shnayim Mikra V'echad Targum. A person who habitually rushed through it half-asleep on the couch might make a kabbalah to sit upright at a formal table. Rav Dov Povarsky once distinguished between someone who picks up a sefer to fall asleep by his bed versus someone tasked with studying who lazily chooses to lie down. Yet, for an individual who does not recite Shnayim Mikra at all, simply starting to read it on the couch represents genuine, commendable progress.
Customizing Your Kabbalah
The same principle applies across everyday practices: reciting Birkat Hashachar while walking to shul or rushing through Asher Yatzar while drying one's hands may be an area of improvement for a seasoned learner to sit down and focus, but for a beginner, saying those blessings on the move is a meaningful milestone. Similarly, replacing coarse music with neutral talk radio is a major leap forward for one person, while another person's growth means replacing news and blogs with dedicated Torah audio.
Finding the Sweet Spot
Spiritual resolutions are not one-size-fits-all. Making effective kabbalot requires honest cheshbon hanefesh (self-accounting) to identify your precise spiritual location. Rather than taking on rigid, knee-jerk commitments that lead to burnout, pinpointing your current tier allows you to select a balanced, sustainable step that produces authentic growth.