We're now up to the fourth Middah, but we're going to put the fourth and fifth Middot together. As we said at the start of this topic, there are multiple approaches on how to break down the 13 Middot. (In the back of the Metivta Gemara, I saw eight) We're going with the approach of the Arizal, which is that the two names of Hashem that are mentioned first do not count, so we start the count from El, and the last one is V’Nakeh. In order to make that work, we have to take some of those that seem to be one Middah, and break them in half. Erech Apayim, literally means slow to anger. Erech means long, and Apayim means nostrils. When one gets angry, smoke comes out of the nostrils (like in cartoons), which means it's like an anger coming out of your nose.
That's why we say Haron Af/the anger of the nostrils. So Erech Apayim means slow to anger, and that's really one trait. So how do we break that into two? It says Apayim, in the plural form, therefore we break up the words.. Erech is the fourth, and Apayim is the fifth. Each word on its own doesn't mean anything, but together, the two words Erech Apayim are an additional two attributes.
Why two? Tosafot says it’s because God says, “ I act differently for Sadikim and Resha’im.” God has an Erech Apayim for Sadik/ He has a patience for Sadik, and He also has patience for a Rasha.
Tosafot explains that the Erech Apayim for the Rasha is that Hashem gives people time, so that eventually they’ll return in Teshuva. We see that today. There are many people, who, 20 or 30 years ago, weren't doing the right things, and Hashem waited. Eventually, things turned around. They started joining classes and doing better things.
By having patience, and giving people a chance, they turn around.
We have to use that trait ourselves.
We have to give people a chance. Not everybody is ready right now. Give them a chance and eventually they'll turn around. That is the additional Apayim. It’s not just having patience for the good guy when he messes up, but even for the Rasha.