The Sefer Orchot Sadikim (gate 5, on the topic of love) states,
What is the path to come to loving your friend? I will light the way:
1- Help him according to your abilities.
You are there to serve people, poor and wealthy. You should go through trouble for them, even if it is a hassle- lend them money, do errands for them, and give them gifts according to your abilities.
2- Be a Vatran/ give in. Don’t be nit-picky. Don’t be exacting.
3-You should always want your friends to benefit from you, rather than you trying to gain from them. Don’t always try to get the better end of the deal.
4-Carry the yoke of the world on your neck. Don’t put your load on them.
5-Accept everyone with happiness and a smile
6-Comfort people in their times of distress, and worry.
7-Never reveal a person’s secrets.
8-Always try to find a benefit for people.
9-Respect everybody.
10-Let your intentions be Leshem Shamayim/ For Hashem’s name.
That is quite a laundry list, but the way we will come to love people is by acting in all of these ways.
It is a long list of things to do, but you don’t just automatically start loving people. Loving comes from giving to people. Loving comes from respecting people. Loving comes from smiling at people.
As the rule always goes, the external brings on the internal. What you do on the outside grows on you inwardly.
This is what a person has to do when it comes to loving one’s friend.
And the following story will give us a little incentive:
During a very dangerous time in Yerushalayim, with bombs flying overhead, some people sent a letter to the Chazon Ish, to ask him what they could do for hizzuk.
He answered them (in a letter that can still be found in the home of Rav Greineman, in Bnei B’rak), Don’t pain your friend, even with the slightest remark.
We always want to protection, and working on Veahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha is a way to protect ourselves. It takes work; it’s a job- but these are all wonderful things that we can do to get there.