Lesson #108: Sensitive Information
Length: 4:18
A young yeshiva student is walking home and bumpsinto his neighbor, who calls him over and asks to speak to him.
"My daughter is dating a guy in the yeshiva whereyou learn," he says. "I was wondering ifyou have any information about this guy."
The boy knows this fellow whom his neighbor isdating, and he knows that in his early teens, he had a very serious,life-threatening illness. Although herecovered, thank G-d, the boy thinks that this is a condition which couldrecur, Heaven forbid. Is he allowed toshare this information with the neighbor?
In such a situation, the boy is allowed to – and infact should – share this information with the girl's father, as thisinformation is directly relevant to the decision of whether to allow the girlto marry the student. The boy shouldinform the neighbor and make him aware of the prospective Shidduch's medicalhistory.
However, this Halacha is subject to severalconditions. First, this must be aserious condition which could truly affect the marriage. Secondly, the boy may not exaggerate at allwhen speaking about the medical condition; he must ensure not to paint aninaccurately dark picture. And, hisintentions must be pristinely sincere, solely for the benefit of the personconsidering the yeshiva student as a marriage partner. If the information is shared with an elementof malice, out of personal animus toward the yeshiva student, or to takerevenge, for example, then the boy may not disclose the information about hisclassmate's medical history.
Additionally, if the boy knows that the father wouldnot be bothered by the student's medical history, then he is not permitted totell him about it. For example, if theboy knows that this man had already allowed his daughter to date other boyswith similar medical backgrounds, such that he can be certain that the fatherwould not mind a Shidduch with this student, then this information should notbe shared, as doing so serves no constructive purpose.
May we all be blessed with good health so that thereis never a history of medical problems which ever needs to be shared.