Lesson #17: The Great Insurance Plan
When a person is considering speaking Lashon Ha’ra, the Yeser Ha’ra (evil inclination) might have him think things like, “What’s the big deal? This isn’t going to hurt the person! They all know the guy already, anyway. They might not even believe what you tell them. You’re just saying this to be part of the conversation, to be funny, to catch some attention… This isn’t going to change what these people think of the guy!”
We need to remember that if somebody spoke Lashon Ha’ra about his fellow, then even if nobody believed what he told them, he has nevertheless violated the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra. Since the information was not accepted, no offense was committed against the fellow who was spoken about, but the speaker has still transgressed a prohibition Ben Adam La’Makom – between him and G-d. He therefore needs to perform Teshuba (repentance), following the standard format of Teshuba – verbally confessing his wrongdoing, regretting having spoken Lashon Ha’ra, and making a sincere commitment to never repeat this violation in the future.
If the people indeed believed the information, then the speaker has transgressed the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra on two levels – he has sinned against G-d by violating one of His commands, and he has committed an offense against his fellow, because he caused him harm. The people with whom he shared the information will never look upon his fellow the same, now that they have heard a negative report about him. Therefore, the speaker must not only repent to G-d – through confession, regret, and a commitment for the future – but also approach the person whom he spoke out, and ask for forgiveness. This is a very difficult and very uncomfortable thing to do, but this is the violator’s responsibility after having spoken Lashon Ha’ra. He must apologetically explain to the person that he spoke about him derogatorily to other people, and that he sincerely regrets what he said and asks forgiveness.
This is one of the reasons why frequently speaking Lashon Ha’ra is so grievous. If a person often speaks about other people, it is all but impossible for him to properly repent – because he will not be able to remember all the people whom he spoke about, and from whom he must now request forgiveness. Even if he can somehow remember all the people about whom he spoke, it will be exceedingly difficult for him to approach each and every one and humbly ask them to forgive him. Lashon Ha’ra is thus not just a grave violation in its own right, but also a sin for which full repentance can be especially difficult.
The Hafetz Haim cites a teaching of the Arizal that refraining from Lashon Ha’ra serves as an outstanding “insurance plan,” guaranteeing that people will not speak negatively about us. If we avoid speaking negatively about other people, then we will earn people’s respect and trust. They will notice that we do not speak badly about others, and so they will feel comfortable around us, and will be eager to befriend us and confide in us. And, Mida Ke’negged Mida (“measure for measure”), we will be rewarded by not having anyone speak negatively about us. The Arizal guaranteed that this is a secure “insurance plan” to ensure that we are not the subject of other people’s gossip.