Lesson #18: Favors
There’s nothing more frustrating than asking somebody for a favor which he is certainly capable of doing, yet he refuses. This is especially aggravating when the person who requested the favor is somebody who regularly does favors for other people, and would not hesitate to do the favor which he now requests from his fellow. This is very hurtful, and when it happens, it is very difficult for the person to keep these feelings inside and not publicize this incident. He naturally has an urge to go to other people and say, “I was there for him so many times, I have helped that person so often, and now I asked for just one favor, and he turned me down!”
But this is strictly forbidden. It is prohibited to tell other people about somebody’s character flaws, such as an unjustified refusal to do favors.
If somebody witnessed his fellow being asked to do a favor which he was perfectly capable of doing, and refusing, then informing others about this incident violates the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra. If the person whose request was rejected informs other people about what happened, then he transgresses not only the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra, but also the prohibition of Nekama – taking revenge.
We might wonder, why does Hashem occasionally place us in these situations? If somebody is very generous and frequently does favors, and for years he was always available to help this fellow, why would it happen that the one time he now asks that fellow for a favor, the fellow refuses?
The answer might be that we often ask Hashem for favors which we do not always do for other people. For example, we ask Hashem for compassion and forgiveness – but we are compassionate and forgiving towards others? Perhaps, when we are turned down after asking a favor from somebody for whom we have done favors, Hashem placed us in this situation to have us reflect on the favors we ask of Him despite not doing them for others. And, Hashem is closely watching to see how we react. If we just let it go and move on, without seeking any sort of revenge, then Hashem will, in turn, come through for us and grant us the favors we request even if we are not deserving of having them granted.