Lesson #21: It All Depends
Certain comments that a person makes may or may not be considered a violation of Lashon Ha’ra, depending on the kind of person about whom they are made. The same comment can be complimentary when spoken about one person – and thus permissible – but offensive when spoken about another person – and thus forbidden.
One example is saying, “So-and-so spends three or four hours a day learning.” If this remark is said about somebody who works to support a family, then it is spoken in praise of that individual for devoting so much time each day for Torah study. But if this is said about a full-time yeshiva student, who is expected to immerse himself day and night in Torah learning, then this is a terrible insult.
Another example is the statement, “This fellow spends a few hundred dollars every week on Shabbat.” If this is said about a person of limited means, then this is complimentary – that despite his modest income, he allocates hundreds of dollars each week for the great Misva of Oneg Shabbat (delight and enjoyment on Shabbat). If, however, this is a very wealthy person, then he could be expected to spend larger amounts of money for the sake of honoring the Shabbat, and thus such a remark is clearly an insult and forbidden to be spoken.
A common example of this phenomenon is reporting about charitable donations. If we say that somebody gave a $180 check to a certain cause, this is either a compliment or an insult, depending on the person about whom it is said. If he is a person of limited means, then this statement compliments him for making such a wonderful donation. But if this individual is fabulously wealthy, then saying that he donated only $180 is clearly insulting, and thus violates the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra.
The same comment can either be a magnificent compliment, or a violation of Lashon Ha’ra.
The general rule is that if a comment will cause the person any sort of personal damage, monetary damage, or mental anguish, or compromise his esteem in the eyes of others, then it is forbidden to be spoken. This is the rule we must follow in order to ensure that we use our faculty of speech properly and avoid the grave prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra.