Lesson #24: The Mugger
If a person is approached by somebody who begins speaking Lashon Ha’ra, he should stop the speaker and ask about two points – relevance, and influence.
He must first ask, “Is this information relevant to me? Is there a reason why I need to know what you’re about to tell me about that fellow?”
Secondly, the listener should ask whether he might be in a position to influence the person being spoken of, and improve his conduct.
If the answer to both questions is “no,” then the listener must stop the speaker so he does not hear the negative information he wants to share. If, however, the answer to either question is “yes,” then the listener is allowed to hear the negative information. He is still forbidden from conclusively believing what he hears, but he is nevertheless allowed to listen due to the potential benefit that could result from his listening, such as protecting himself if he is considering entering into some kind of relationship with the person being spoken about.
Thus, for example, if the subject of the Lashon Ha’ra is somebody to whom the listener has no connection at all, such that the information has no practical relevance to him, and he has no possibility of influencing that person’s conduct, then he may not listen to what the speaker has to say. If, however, the subject of the Lashon Ha’ra is a business partner, a potential business partner, or a prospective Shidduch, then the information is clearly relevant, and so the listener is allowed to continue listening. Likewise, if the subject is a close friend, family member or relative, whom the listener might likely be able to influence, then he may listen to the information.
In a case where the information is not relevant and the listener will have no possibility of positively influencing the person, telling the speaker to stop talking not only avoids the prohibition of hearing Lashon Ha’ra, but also serves to discourage the speaker from relating Lashon Ha’ra in the future. Upon hearing the listener’s objection, the speaker will be far less likely to speak Lashon Ha’ra again – certainly to this listener – and thus the listener both avoids a violation and has the effect of positively influencing the speaker to refrain from Lashon Ha’ra henceforth.
There is also another instance where it is permissible to continue listening to Lashon Ha’ra – if the listener anticipates being able to either disprove the unflattering information, or to show how to judge the subject favorably. If the listener feels confident that he will have information with which to disprove what is being spoken, or that he will be able to reframe the situation and come to the subject’s defense, then it is not only permissible to continue hearing the information, but it is a Misva to do so. By remaining to listen and then either refuting the information or otherwise defending the subject, he ends up saving the subject from the negative perception that the other listeners would have about that person. This is akin to jumping into a river to rescue somebody who is drowning. Or, perhaps a more accurate analogy would be to a person walking down a dark alley at night who is mugged. If this is our brother or dear friend, we would not remain idle. We would immediately run into the alley to save him. This is precisely what we do when we refute Lashon Ha’ra or find a way to judge the subject in a favorable light – the person’s reputation is coming under attack, and we fend off the attacker and defend the individual’s reputation and dignity.
If one had listened to Lashon Ha’ra when this was not permitted, he can correct the sin by attempting to come to the subject’s defense and thinking of ways to judge him favorably, and express this to the speaker. If the listener senses that the speaker would not accept any such attempt to defend the subject, then after the speaker leaves, the listener should address the others who heard the information and share with them his defense of the subject.
Let us always remember – if our brother is being mugged in a dark alley, we would undoubtedly rush to help. And so by the same token, if our fellow Jew’s reputation is being attacked, it is our duty – as his brother – to rush to protect him.