Lesson #3: Under Pressure
We often hear people say things like, “Come on, you can tell me, I’m your best friend”; “We’re so close; we’re always transparent with each other”; “We never hold anything back from each other – why don’t you tell me?”; “Look, between you and me, everything goes, you can tell me.”
People will sometimes leverage their relationship with somebody, or their authority over somebody, to apply pressure on that person to divulge information which is forbidden to be divulged. It could be a teacher, a rebbe, a principal, or some other authority figure who can get people in trouble. They might apply pressure in attempting to convince the person to speak lashon ha’ra about somebody. Close friends might use their friendship to influence or pressure each other.
We need to remember that lashon ha’ra is forbidden to be spoken regardless of how much pressure is applied. Whether we are pressured by a parent, a rebbe, or a best friend, we must remain steadfast in our commitment and refuse to violate this prohibition. Sometimes, the most difficult pressure we come under in this regard is from our spouse, who might feel hurt if we refuse to divulge information about people. “But I’m your wife,” she might say, “and we never hold anything back from each other!” But even when we come under pressure, speaking lashon ha’ra is strictly forbidden.
This halachah extends to the point where one must be prepared to refuse to speak lashon ha’ra even at the expense of his job. If a boss approaches an employee and demands that he tells him negative information about somebody which is forbidden to be spoken, the employee must refuse even if he might be fired as a result. Even if a relationship or job is at stake, one is not permitted to speak lashon ha’ra.
Hashem tells us not to succumb to these kinds of pressure, and He assures us that if we abstain from lashon ha’ra even when we are pressured by a friend, He will bless that friendship; and if we abstain from lashon ha’ra even at the expense of our livelihood, He will bless our livelihood. We will never lose as a result of doing the right thing and resisting pressure to speak lashon ha’ra.