Lesson #38: Went Astray
Let us consider the story of a boy who excelled in yeshiva, showing great promise, but gradually, as he grew older, he left the fold, left yeshiva, and left home. Perhaps it was the result of the influence of a friend, or because of technology, or because he was shown something that changed his outlook on Torah Judaism and undermined his purity as a Jewish child, but he slowly fell away from observance. He began hanging out with the wrong crowd, including with non-Jewish kids.
One night, two adults from the community are walking down the street, and they see this youngster drunk, together with his friends, yelling and shouting. One of the adults turns to the other and says, “You see this kid? Unfortunately, he’s a yeshiva kid. Look what happened to him… We need to tell our kids to stay away from him. We of course hope that he does Teshuba and changes, but in the meantime, we need to make sure our kids stay away so they are not influenced by him and they don’t follow his example.”
Such a remark is entirely permissible. As long as their intention is purely Le’Shem Shamayim (“for the sake of Heaven”), to protect their own children, and not to demean this youngster, they are allowed to take note of his conduct and of the need to distance their children from him. Importantly, however, they may not exaggerate at all, attributing to this boy sins which they do not know he commits, or wondering what other kinds of misconduct he is involved in. As long as they speak only the facts, and they express their desire that this boy changes his behavior – and they should even suggest praying that he does Teshuba – they are allowed to talk about his conduct and the need for caution.
In this context, it is worth emphasizing that when this happens, that a youngster has left Torah life, his parents are home crying for him, and their pillows are drenched with tears every night. They hope, yearn and pray for the child to come back. It is imperative that these parents keep the child at home, and not allow him to move out of the house. Although this can be become complicated when there are younger siblings whom the parents obviously want to protect from negative influence, nevertheless, the parents should seek guidance for how to handle the situation while holding onto the child for as long as they can. And when other people see this child, and they think to themselves, “Look what happened to this kid! He’s a Rasha (evildoer)! He’s probably been drinking Yayin Nesech (forbidden wine)!” – they must remember that while they certainly need to protect their children, this boy is someone’s child. They should walk up to him, give him a warm, friendly smile, look at him in the eye, and say something to the effect of, “You know, I bet if you gave this a shot, you could be something great.” They should talk to him, rather than shout at him. Instead of telling him where he’s gone wrong, they should emphasize to him where he could go right.
Who knows – when we happen to meet such a kid, maybe he has been waiting for us to come along and give him the encouragement he needs.