Lesson #44: Forbidden Praise
Imagine a homeowner hires a contractor to do some construction work on the house, and he says he’ll be there at 9am. The homeowner decides to stay home from work until the contractor arrives, but the contractor doesn’t show up. The fellow waits the entire day – and the contractor never arrives.
Finally, at 9pm, the truck pulls up in front of the house, and the contractor rings the bell.
Angry, the homeowner tells the contractor, “What happened? I’ve been waiting for you the entire day! This is the kind of service you give? I’m starting to think that maybe I should’ve gone with the other guy…”
The contractor gets defensive, and replies, “Let me tell you something about that other guy. Yeah, maybe he’s better about showing up on time, but trust me – he does lousy work. I can tell you stories of people he worked for – and then I had come and do the whole thing over again, from beginning to end, because the work was done so badly!”
This is a classic example of what Halacha calls “Abak Lashon Ha’ra” – literally, “dust of Lashon Ha’ra,” referring to something which does not in itself constitute Lashon Ha’ra, but can easily lead to Lashon Ha’ra being spoken. When one speaks to somebody in praise of his competitor, it is likely that the person will respond by speaking Lashon Ha’ra about that competitor. The same is true of speaking to somebody in praise of a person whom he dislikes or resents. The praise spoken is regarded as “Abak Lashon Ha’ra,” because it will likely lead the listener to respond by speaking Lashon Ha’ra about the person who is his competitor, or whom he dislikes.
Another example of “Abak Lashon Ha’ra” is making statements that pique people’s curiosity about somebody’s failings. For example, it is forbidden when speaking with people to say something like, “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this fellow, because I don’t want to tell you what really happened.” The people’s curiosity will then be aroused, and they will either pressure the speaker to divulge the “juicy” information, or begin speaking about that fellow to see what unflattering news they can uncover. Such comments, that arouse people’s curiosity about somebody’s possible or alleged misconduct, may not be spoken, as they constitute “Abak Lashon Ha’ra.”
Yet another example of “Abak Lashon Ha’ra” is excessively praising somebody in people’s presence. When people hear lavish praise heaped on somebody, they feel uneasy, and threatened, worried that they are not held in the same esteem as the person being spoken about. They are likely to respond by speaking Lashon Ha’ra about that person, sharing negative information about him in order to balance the perspective so they feel less threatened. Therefore, speaking excessive praise about somebody, too, is forbidden.
This Halacha of “Abak Lashon Ha’ra” demonstrates to us just how severe the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra is. Halacha goes so far as to forbid speaking positively about people, expressing their praise, if this may likely lead to Lashon Ha’ra, showing us that Lashon Ha’ra is an especially grievous prohibition that we must ensure to avoid at all times.