Lesson #45: Admonishing the Wicked
Imagine a man is in an electronics store and sees his neighbors’ son, who recently celebrated his bar-mitzvah, walk in and go to the front desk. The boy explains to the owner that he received some money for his bar-mitzvah and he wants to use some of it to purchase a good camera. The man who observes the scene notices how the owner motions to his employee with a wink and a smirk, and then tells him to bring a refurbished camera. A thirteen-year-old boy is the perfect customer to “take for a ride.” This was a golden opportunity to take a broken camera that was pieced together, and sell it to an innocent, unsuspecting customer for full price as though it was new.
Watching this scene unfold, the neighbor is enraged. His initial reaction is that he must tell the boy’s parents what happened so they can return to the store and demand a new camera, and so that they will be more careful in the future, and accompany their child to the store. This is Lashon Ha’ra for an important, constructive purpose, so it should be allowed. But then the neighbor remembers that Halacha requires first approaching the person who acted wrongly and reprimand him in an effort to correct his behalf. This is one of the conditions that need to be met before one is allowed to speak Lashon Ha’ra for a constructive purpose – that he first tries to convince the person to change without telling others about what he did.
However, the man realized that the store owner would not accept his criticism, and would even angrily resent his mentioning this to him. He knows this store owner, and he knows that he does not take kindly to criticism. He would likely react angrily and harshly, and maybe even throw him out of the store, if he would be approached and censured for selling a refurbished product for the price of a new one.
In such a case, if it is clear that the store owner would not accept the criticism, then the man is permitted to go directly to the boy’s parents and tell them what happened. He should emphasize that he witnessed the incident with his own eyes, because one of the conditions that must be met when speaking Lashon Ha’ra for a constructive purpose is that the speaker personally saw the event he reports, and did not hear about it from somebody else. He should relay this information in the presence of other people, in order to make it clear that he is speaking the truth. But if he is afraid that the store owner will react angrily and seek revenge once he hears that somebody had shared negative information about him, then he may speak to the parents privately, so that it does not become known that the neighbor informed him of what happened.
Those who hear about the incident may not believe the story with 100 percent confidence, but may suspect that it might be true to the point that they exercise caution and approach the store owner so that he will not deceive customers again in the future.
Significantly, even when dealing with this type of person, who is dishonest and who would likely react angrily to criticism even when he is caught red-handed, we should not shut the door completely on the fellow. We should allow him the opportunity to repair the damage that he caused, and to change his conduct henceforth.