Lesson #46: Praising Someone
A yeshiva boy who lives in a dormitory occasionally receives packages from home. These packages include not only the essential items which he needs, such as laundry detergent, soap and shampoo, but also scrumptious goodies, such as home-baked treats that his mother lovingly prepares.
One day, the boy receives a package, opens it, and sees a container of delicious cookies that his mother baked for him. He generously shares them with his roommates.
Then, one of the roommates runs outside into the hallway and makes an announcement.
“This guy is amazing!” he shouts. “He’s so nice – every time he gets snacks sent from home, he shares them! What a Sadik!”
Not surprisingly, all the boys within earshot come running, and ask for a cookie. The boy has no choice but to agree, and ends up giving away all the cookies that his mother had made for him…
Many people will be surprised to learn that the boy who made the announcement in the hallway violated the prohibition of “Abak Lashon Ha’ra” (literally, “the dust of Lashon Ha’ra”). Although he certainly said nothing negative about his generous roommate, and to the contrary, he spoke in praise of him, nevertheless, this is forbidden, because it can easily cause the other boy a loss. Halacha forbids praising somebody in a way that will cause him to suffer a loss; such praise falls under the category of “Abak Lashon Ha’ra.”
For example, if somebody desperately needed a large loan, and he found a generous person who lent him the sum he needed, the borrower is not then allowed to tell other people about the lender, without the lender’s permission. If he would, people would then come to this lender and request loans, and he would feel pressured to agree, after having granted a loan to the first fellow. Some of these people might be dishonest and untrustworthy, in which case he will suffer a considerable loss. Therefore, speaking in praise of his generosity is forbidden.
By the same token, it is forbidden to publicize a person’s charitable donation without his consent. If people hear about his generosity, he will likely be overwhelmed with requests, and he will naturally feel pressured to donate, now that it is known that he generously donated to one cause. This could lead to a significant loss, and thus publicizing his generosity constitutes “Abak Lashon Ha’ra.”
A different kind of “Abak Lashon Ha’ra” is a remark which does not technically qualify as “Lashon Ha’ra,” but nevertheless has the effect of portraying the person in a negative light. Whenever we speak about somebody, we must not only avoid outright Lashon Ha’ra, but also consider the person’s image, and think carefully whether the words we speak might be tarnishing his image. If we say something that casts our fellow in a negative light, then even if it does not meet the criteria of technical Lashon Ha’ra, it falls under the category of “Abak Lashon Ha’ra” and is forbidden.