Lesson #47: Avoidance
In the bungalow colonies, where many families would spend the summer months, it was very common for women to bring their chairs to the lawn and sit in a semicircle, catching up with each other after having not seen each other the entire year. Once, a woman was walking from her bungalow with her children toward the swings, and she saw a group of women sitting in a semicircle on the grass right next to the swings. As she got a little closer, she noticed that one of the women was sitting in the middle and “holding court,” having grabbed all the other women’s attention. The woman walking to the swings knew that this lady who was speaking was a wellspring of gossip. It was clear what was going on – this lady was spewing forth “juicy” gossip to the group.
The woman turned to her children and said, “You know what, children? It’s a hot day… Instead of the swings, let’s go instead to the canteen, and I’ll buy you some ice cream, and then we’ll go to the pool.”
The children were surprised, that their plans were suddenly changing, but the mother insisted on avoiding the swings, which were right next to the group of women who were likely listening to gossip.
This woman’s decision to avoid the group was not just a good idea – it was her obligation. If one sees a group of people sitting together with somebody who is a habitual gossiper, and is very likely sharing Lashon Ha’ra, the person has an obligation to avoid that group – just as this woman did by staying away from the swings and choosing to bring her children to a different area, in order to keep away from Lashon Ha’ra.
It is forbidden to live among neighbors who speak Lashon Ha’ra or to sit among people who speak Lashon Ha’ra, and of course, if one hears them speaking Lashon Ha’ra, he must not believe anything they say. It is especially important in a synagogue or Bet Midrash to avoid sitting among people who gossip instead of davening or learning. Such people not only transgress the grave sin of Lashon Ha’ra, but also disrespect the sacred domain of the synagogue or study hall by using it, and using their time there, for the disgraceful activity of Lashon Ha’ra, instead of the lofty purposes for which these institutions are built.
One who goes to learn in yeshiva, and must choose a Habruta (study partner), needs to be careful not to arrange to learn with a gossiper, somebody who will spend a large amount of the Seder (study session) talking about this fellow or that fellow, these roommates or that Shidduch, etc. Such a Habruta will cause a person to lose a great deal of precious learning time, filling this time with forbidden gossip.
We must realize that Lashon Ha’ra is a destructive force. If we would see a raging fire, we would instantly run away as fast and as far as we could. This should be our reaction when we see or know about Lashon Ha’ra being spoken – to keep a distance and go nowhere near it.