Lesson #48: Change the Subject
A group of employees are driving home from work together in the carpool, and find themselves stuck in traffic. Naturally, they begin chatting to pass the time. One of the fellows in the car decides to start bitterly complaining about the boss, bringing up all his grievances and everything the boss has done wrong since the day he began the job. He talks on and on about how the boss is cheap, aggressive and inconsiderate.
A fellow employee in the car tries to stop him. “Listen, let’s not talk negatively about people; let’s stay away from Lashon Ha’ra.”
The fellow reacts with astonishment. “What?! Do you know who this guy is, and what he did to me?!” He proceeds to speak even worse about the boss, talking about how he lambasted an employee during a meeting in the boardroom, how he denied a coworker his commission for no reason, and how he took away vacation days from a number of workers.
He continues badmouthing the boss, and the other fellow realizes that his attempt to admonish the speaker had the opposite effect than the one desired – it caused him to speak even more, and worse, Lashon Ha’ra. And so he resorts to a different tactic – he changes the topic. He says, “Hey guys, what do you think of the new coffee machine in the office? Isn’t it amazing! How do they come up with these machines? Now you can have vanilla, hazelnut and other flavors… Today’s coffee was incredible. Whoever makes these machines is brilliant. Maybe soon we’ll have a machine that has a button you press and popcorn comes out!”
He takes the conversation in a completely different direction. The first fellow no longer feels challenged, and so he does not feel the need to defend himself by indulging in Lashon Ha’ra about the boss.
If a person finds himself in a group where somebody is spreading negative information about another person, then he must consider whether admonishing the speaker would have a beneficial effect. If he senses that the speaker would accept the admonition, then he has an obligation to admonish in the most effective way possible. Even if he figures that the speaker would not accept the admonition, but he would not respond by indulging in even worse Lashon Ha’ra, then he must mention to the person that Lashon Ha’ra should not be spoken, so that he will stop. If, however, he fears that admonishing the speaker would cause him to speak additional Lashon Ha’ra to prove himself, then he should not admonish, and he should instead change the subject.
Based on personal experience, I recommend in such situations to change the conversation to a subject that is interesting, such as a humorous topic. If the speaker sees someone bring up an uninteresting topic, he will likely return to his “juicy” Lashon Ha’ra, which he finds far more exciting. But if the new subject is something that draws interest or gets people to laugh, it is much likelier to keep the conversation away from forbidden Lashon Ha’ra.