Lesson #50: Confidential
Whenever we hear a secret – meaning, which is told to us clearly with the expectation of confidentiality – it is strictly forbidden to share it with anybody.
Let us take the example of an elderly parent who, sensing that his end is near, gave significant amounts of money, jewelry or property to the child who cared for him during his final years. It is quite common that one child extends himself or herself more than the others in the parent’s final years, taking the parent to doctor appointments, staying with the parent in the hospital, and generally caring for the parent’s many needs. The parent will naturally feel a special debt of gratitude to this particular child, and therefore, rather than simply have all his wealth distributed evenly among the children, he might first give some of his wealth to this child to express his deep appreciation. Let us imagine that this son, who devotedly tended to his father, for which he was rewarded with a special share of money or other assets, mentions this to his own son, relating that the grandfather had given him extra money or property before his passing because of everything he had done for him.
The grandson who hears this information must realize that this has been told to him in strict confidentiality. If he would ever reveal this information, we can only imagine what kind of tensions this would cause in the family. The other children of the deceased would object, arguing that they also cared for their father. They would point out all the times they visited, they brought him to his appointments, they went shopping for him, and they stayed with him in the hospital. And they will demand that this child forego on his special share and return it to the estate so it can be divided equally among the inheritors. The grandson’s revealing this information could inflict great damage, and could even cause the father financial harm, as he might buckle under pressure and forfeit the special gift which he had received. It is therefore strictly forbidden for the grandson to share this information with anybody without the father’s permission.
Revealing confidential information without the individual’s clear permission is absolutely prohibited, and violates the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra. We must be very careful when people confide in us and share personal information, to ensure not to share it with anybody, not even with a spouse or a best friend.
Hashem created us in such a way that we have the ability to keep secret things which we do not wish people to know about us. We have the power to keep personal or embarrassing information safely concealed from the public, by holding it in our minds without revealing it. Just as Hashem granted us this precious ability, to keep our secrets secret, we must do the same for other people, and ensure to keep secret their private information which they have shared with us in confidentiality.