Lesson #55: Meetings at Weddings
It is not uncommon for people to meet former classmates at weddings, after not having seen each other for many years. And very often, when such meetings take place, the conversation shifts onto other former classmates.
“Do you remember Chaim? Whatever happened to him?”
“Oh, you don’t want to know….”
“Why? What do you mean?”
“Terrible. He didn’t exactly turn out to be the Yereh Shamayim [G-d-fearing person] we assumed he would be… He’s very far from it.”
Such a statement about a former classmate constitutes outright Lashon Ha’ra, and is strictly forbidden, since no practical benefit is served by this kind of remark. Sharing information about a person’s wrongdoing is permitted only for the sake of an important practical purpose, such as if one shares the information with somebody who might be able to positively influence the person spoken about. (As we’ve discussed, a number of conditions must be met for Lashon Ha’ra to be allowed even for the sake of a practical benefit.) In this instance, however, where two people are having a casual conversation about former classmates, there is no practical purpose to speaking about somebody’s fall from religious observance, and thus sharing such information is not allowed. The best thing to do at such a meeting is to remain silent about other people.
The Mishna in Pirkeh Abot cites Rabban Shimon Ben Gamliel’s remarkable teaching, “I have been raised my entire life among the Rabbis, and I have found nothing better for a person than silence.” Rabban Shimon was taught by his generation’s leading sages – and the one thing he highlighted is the quality of silence, refraining from speaking unnecessarily. This is the most precious and valuable trait that we can learn from the great sages.