Lesson 6: “I was Outvoted”
If a close friend approaches us and says, “I have a secret”; “There’s something I want to tell you that must stay between us”; or, he simply shares something sensitive that he clearly shares in confidence. Relaying the information he shares to others constitutes a breach of the trust he placed in us, and violates the prohibition of lashon ha’ra. Even if the information does not reflect negatively on the individual in any way, nevertheless, since it was told to us in confidence, and it was clear he did not want it shared with others, this falls under the category of lashon ha’ra.
An extension of this halachah relates to the proceedings in a private meeting, in a boardroom, when a committee sits together to make important decisions. Such decisions will affect all the people in the institution, the organizations, or community. The proceedings at these meetings, and the votes cast by the various participants, are strictly confidential, and it is absolutely forbidden to divulge to anybody how people voted. Doing so constitutes a grave breach of trust and confidence, and is thus considered lashon ha’ra. It sometimes happens that a committee member is approached after the meeting and asked about the decision, and he responds, “I voted for an extension, but what can I do? I was outvoted!” This is an outright violation of lashon ha’ra, as the committee member divulges information which was not intended to be shared. Even if a person comes under duress, and is pressured to share the details of the vote, he is not allowed to share this confidential information.
Hashem keeps our personal information private. He does not inform other people of our mistakes, our wrongdoing, our feelings, our struggles, and our problems. He does not allow all this to become known. We, likewise, must be very careful to protect our fellow’s privacy, and not disseminate his private information – just as Hashem does not disseminate ours.