Lesson #60: “Rechilut”
We’ve all probably heard stories of how a single remark about somebody had the effect of “stirring the pot,” creating animosity between two people, leading to conflict and strife.
Let us imagine a man who comes into shul one day and sees that his fellow is very upset. He asks him what is wrong, and the fellow explains that he finds himself deep in debt, and he desperately needs a loan to help him pull himself out of the spiral, regain his financial footing, and begin prospering again.
“What’s the problem?” the man says. “All you had to do was ask! I’ll give you a loan.”
“Really?” the other fellow said. “I’m surprised.” He explained that he was once speaking with a certain member of the congregation, who had mentioned about this man, “He never lends a penny to anyone; there is no point in asking him for a loan.”
This fellow just transgressed the prohibition of “Rechilut,” which forbids making comments which sow friction between two people. By informing the man of what the other fellow had said about him, he has created tension and animosity between them. The man will obviously be very upset to know that somebody is telling people that he is insensitive and not generous, and he will be very displeased with the person who is saying such things. And thus relaying this information constitutes Rechilut. Any comment which has the effect of causing a person to have negative feelings towards another is forbidden, due to the prohibition of Rechilut.
The Torah introduces this prohibition in the same verse in which it commands, “Lo Ta’amod Al Dam Re’echa” – “Do not stand idly by your brother’s blood,” which forbids acting indifferently when in a position to save a fellow Jew’s life. By sowing tension between people, one may inadvertently precipitate violence. Tensions often boil over into actual hate, which can then, in turn, lead to violent conduct. Hence, after issuing the command forbidding speaking Rechilut, the Torah warns us to be mindful of the safety of our fellow Jews, and avoid any conduct or speech which could put a fellow Jew in danger – including causing somebody to dislike him.
It must be emphasized that the prohibition against Rechilut forbids even sharing neutral information, which does not inherently reflect negatively upon the person spoken about, if the information will create tension between him and the listener. If the speaker has reason to suspect that the information will lead the listener to feel resentful or otherwise hostile towards the person spoken about, then the remark may not be spoken.
The basic rule is – don’t stir the pot. If we know that a comment will ignite friction, then we may not say it, and must instead remain silent.