Lesson #63: Being Pressured
A person walks into shul one day and sees across the room a group of men sitting together, one of whom is speaking to the others. As soon as the speaker lays eyes upon the person who just walked in, he immediately stops talking. The fellow, of course, assumes that the speaker suddenly stopped talking because he did not want him to hear what was being said. This naturally troubles him, and he very much wants to know what the person was saying. Later, he approaches one of the others in the group and asks whether the person was talking about him.
If, indeed, the speaker was talking about the fellow, is this person allowed to confirm his suspicions, and tell him what was being said?
The answer, quite clearly, is that this is forbidden, and would violate the prohibition of Rechilut. The prohibition of Rechilut forbids informing somebody what another person said or did if this information would cause the listener feelings of resentment toward that other individual. In this instance, this is precisely what would happen if the person who was approached divulges what the speaker was saying about this fellow who just walked in. Clearly, the fellow would be angered and resentful upon hearing that this person was talking about him to an entire group of congregants.
Even if the fellow pressures this person to divulge the information, he is not permitted to do so. The fellow might say something to the effect of, “I thought I could count on you; you’ve always been a good friend, whom I could trust. We go way back. How could you betray me like this?” Even if the fellow uses such tactics, the other person is not permitted to tell him what the speaker was saying about him, as this would violate the prohibition of Rechilut. This applies even if the person was a close friend, and even if the person was his father or Rebbe.
If we are going to apply pressure upon people with regard to their relationships with others, let us apply pressure to bring people together. Let us try to pressure people to forgive and to admire their fellow Jew, instead of pressuring them to sow friction and controversy. We have enough problems as it is in the area of interpersonal relationships. Let us try to bring people closer together, and always ensure never to cause them to move further apart.