A person calls his friend and says, “Listen, I heard that your brother-in-law has done very well in business recently. I desperately need a loan. Do you think I can call him up and ask him to lend me $1000?”
“If you’re asking me,” the friend replies, “I’ll say – don’t bother. My brother-in-law doesn’t lend money.”
Is this response permissible? Is the person allowed to tell his friend that his brother-in-law is not the type that would lend money, despite his financial success?
This response – “He doesn’t lend out money” – can be understood in one of two ways. One way is as a derogatory assessment of character, depicting the brother-in-law as selfish and uncaring. On the other hand, it could be understood as a neutral statement, without reflecting anything negative about the brother-in-law. It could be that his money is currently tied up in investments or business assets. Perhaps the brother-in-law has had experiences with bad loans which resulted in significant losses, and so he decided not to give out loans. The Halacha in this case would therefore depend upon the friend’s tone of voice. If he says, “My brother-in-law doesn’t lend money” in an offensive way, in a tone expressing disrespect or disgust, then it violates the prohibition of Rechilut, because the remark evokes within the person in need of a loan negative feelings toward the brother-in-law, who is in a position to lend but selfishly refuses. If, however, the friend makes this remark in a neutral tone, without expressing any derision toward the brother-in-law, then this is entirely permissible, as no hard feelings are evoked.
There is one important exception to this rule. If the friend knows that this fellow tends to view people critically, and is the kind of person who interprets words and situations in a negative way, then he may not tell him that the brother-in-law does not lend out money, regardless of the tone of voice. A person who tends to view people negatively would likely react with criticism, wondering why a successful businessman refuses to grant small loans to help people. When speaking to such a person, then, one must be very careful and avoid sharing even neutral information about others – even in a neutral tone of voice – in order not to provoke within him hard feelings toward his fellow Jew.
When it comes to Shemirat Ha’lashon, we must be extremely careful regarding what we say, how we say it, and to whom we say it.