Lesson #68: To Reconsider
Two friends get together and form a partnership to start a business together. They build it and it is very successful. One day a third person happens to be speaking to one of the partners, and that partner mentioned how blessed he is to have such an outstanding partner to work with. He expresses his gratitude that he has a partner with whom he was able to build a successful enterprise.
The fellow speaking to him happens to know that the other partner recently considered leaving him and starting a new business on his own. And the other partner nearly did, until at the last minute he reconsidered and decided to remain. The man now wonders to himself whether he should perhaps tell this fellow that his partner almost left him.
Halacha strictly forbids informing this fellow that his partner considered leaving, because this information would cause hard feelings towards his partner. Sharing information with somebody that will evoke within him negative feelings toward a fellow Jew violates the prohibition of Rechilut, and so in this case, it would be forbidden to inform the fellow that his partner considered leaving the business, as this would arouse at least some degree of tension between them. This applies even if the partner had spoken to a bunch of people about his plans to possibly leave the business, such that this information had already become somewhat public. Even so, sharing this information with the other partner triggers some measure of hard feelings, and is therefore forbidden.
It goes without saying that if a person knows that a groom, who is engaged to be married, had at one point during the courtship seriously considered ending the relationship, but at the last minute changed his mind and continued, he must not share this information with the bride. It is absolutely forbidden to tell a woman before her wedding something to the effect of, “Wow, I heard it was a ‘close call,’ that your Hatan nearly decided to break up.” Unfortunately, I have heard of people who have made such comments, which clearly violate the prohibition of Rechilut, as they evoke had feelings within the bride toward her groom. Likewise, it is forbidden to inform a congregant that his Rabbi planned on leaving the congregation, but the new job he was hoping for fell through, so he remained. This information makes the congregant feel that the Rabbi views his synagogue as just the “default,” the place he is “stuck” with because his ideal job was not available. Therefore, sharing this information is forbidden, violating the prohibition of Rechilut.
The greatest thing we can do is to bring people together, to help mend relationships, and to help people feel grateful and thankful for their relationships. We must avoid any remarks that will push people apart, even remarks made in passing that were not intended to arouse friction.