Lesson #70: The Class Terror
A fellow walks into shul one day, and sees a group of men standing around, waiting for the Minyan to begin. He approaches one of them, outstretches his hand, and says, “Shalom Alechem! What is your name?”
“You don’t recognize me?” the man asks. “Our kids are in the same class in school.”
“Yes, I knew you looked familiar,” the man says, and he mentions his name.
When the fellow hears the other person’s name, he says, “Oh, you’re Mr. Weiss… My son told me about your kid. He said that your son is the class terror! But you seem like such a nice guy, with such outstanding Middot. I would never have imagined that the terror of the class would come from such a fine man like yourself!”
Unfortunately, conversations like these are not as uncommon as we would like to think.
The man who made this remark violated Halacha, on a number of different levels. By sharing this information with Mr. Weiss, this man caused Mr. Weiss to strongly resent this man’s son, who called his son the class terror. Moreover, Mr. Weiss will, most likely, tell his son what he heard from the other man’s son. We can easily imagine what will happen the next day in school – when Mr. Weiss’ son will approach the other kid and shout at him for speaking about him this way to his father. This comment, then, caused friction not only between Mr. Weiss and the other man’s son, but also between the two boys. And so in two different ways, this remark violates the prohibition of Rechilut, which forbids sharing information which will cause tension between two Jews.
In addition, quite obviously, making this comment to Mr. Weiss causes him great embarrassment, as he is being told that his son is known as the class terror. This remark therefore violates the prohibition of Ona’at Debarim – saying something to a person which causes him pain and distress.
It is worth clarifying in this context the difference between Lashon Ha’ra and Rechilut. When Reuben relates to Shimon negative information about Levi, this violates the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra. When Shimon then goes over to Levi and tells him what Reuben said about him, this violates the prohibition of Rechilut, as Shimon causes Levi to harbor feelings of resentment toward Reuben. If Levi then approaches Reuben and says, “Hey! Shimon told me what you’ve been saying about me” – this also constitutes Rechilut, as it causes friction between Reuben and Shimon.
In short, if one makes a comment to his fellow that will arouse resentment and tension between two Jews, he has violated the prohibition of Rechilut. We should always seek to speak positively about people, and to speak in a way that will bring our fellow Jews close together, and not, Heaven forbid, further apart.