Lesson #71: Third Party
Often, after Shaharit in the morning, the men gather around the breakfast table and “schmooze” before they go off to work. Sometimes, unfortunately, this “schmooze” takes the form of an update on the latest politics or “juicy” information, with one fellow, who always has the “inside scoop,” sharing the newest pieces of gossip.
One day, Reuben sits there at the breakfast table telling everybody about how Shimon runs his business crookedly, pulling all kinds of tricks to cheat people. He speaks at length and in great detail, describing Shimon’s alleged schemes. It is clearly forbidden for someone who heard Reuben that morning to approach Shimon and inform him that Reuben spoke this way about him. This transgresses the prohibition of Rechilut, which forbids sharing with someone information about what another person did, if that information will arouse feelings of resentment towards that other person.
What is less obvious, however, is that it would also be forbidden for someone to approach Shimon’s friend, Levi, and report to him what Reuben said about Shimon. The Hafetz Haim writes that this would constitute “Rechilut Le’mafre’a” (“retroactive” Rechilut), because Levi, in all likelihood, will approach his friend, Shimon, and inform him about what he heard. Needless to say, this will result in strong feelings of resentment on Shimon’s part toward Reuben. It will thus turn out that the fellow who reported to Levi what Reuben said about Shimon caused tension between Reuben and Shimon – albeit indirectly – in violation of the prohibition of Rechilut. Once Levi shares this information with Shimon, the fellow who told Levi will retroactively be held responsible for the resentment felt by Shimon toward Reuben.
By extension, it is outright forbidden to tell somebody that somebody else shared negative information about his relative. Relatives are, generally, protective of one another, and thus when somebody learns that a person had spread negative information about his relative, he will likely report this to the relative who was spoken about. The person who first brought the information to the relative is thus guilty of Rechilut on two counts: first, the person he reported to will resent the speaker for sharing negative information about his relative; and secondly, he will inform the relative who was spoken about, who will obviously then resent the speaker for what he said. Hence, one should never tell somebody that he heard another person speak negatively about his relative.
The exception to this rule is a situation where sharing this information serves a constructive purpose. One may inform Reuben that Shimon spoke Lashon Ha’ra about somebody if he knows that Reuben is in a position to influence Shimon to stop speaking Lashon Hara. Since the information is being shared for a constructive purpose – so that Reuben will discontinue his negative speech – this is allowed.
If we can stop one person from speaking negatively about his fellow Jew, then we bring our final redemption one step closer.