Lesson #74: “My Turn”
As all parents know, many schools – especially the finest schools – cannot accommodate all the students who want to attend, and so many children are unable to enroll in the school of their choice. And, schools often have a waiting list, a list of children who were not initially accepted but will be accepted if a spot becomes available.
The mother of a certain child who applied to yeshiva is told by the yeshiva of their choice, a yeshiva which is difficult to gain acceptance into, that the child is first on the waiting list. This means that in all likelihood, he will be accepted, because it is probable that at least one of the students who were accepted will end up not attending. This information gave the woman a feeling of confidence, and she was happy to hear that her son will most likely be able to attend the institution of this choice.
One day, while shopping in the supermarket, she meets a friend who also has a son applying to schools. The friend asks her how the process is going, and she replies that she had recently heard that her son is first on the waiting list for his preferred yeshiva, so she’s feeling pretty confident.
“Sorry to tell you this,” the friend says, “but I heard something which you might want to know.” There is a very wealthy family in the neighborhood with a son who wants to attend that yeshiva, she explains, and she heard just the day before that the mother is intent on getting her son accepted.
“I was told that she was planning to go to the school today to make sure he gets in. You know that she will get him in, because she always gets her way. She’s going to use all her clout, and all her financial resources, to make sure that her son is given the next available spot.”
This information, quite obviously, causes the mother to feel resentful toward that woman, who – according to what she was told – plans on taking away her son’s spot in yeshiva. As such, her friend transgressed the prohibition of Rechilut, because she told her something about another person which aroused in her negative feelings towards that person.
Just as it is forbidden to believe Lashon Ha’ra – negative information which one hears about another person – it is similarly forbidden to believe Rechilut. Therefore, this woman may not believe the story told to her – that this other woman is planning to go to the school and pressure the administration to accept her son. Instead, she should say to herself something to the effect of, “I know the school; they’re better than that. They’re not going to push a kid further down the waiting list because of this woman.”
Of course, if one hears that someone is trying to cause him any sort of harm, then although he may not definitively believe the report, he is allowed to take necessary precautions to protect himself. Otherwise, however, one may not accept at all information told him in a manner which violates the prohibitions of Lashon Ha’ra and Rechilut, to any extent.
We should always be striving to increase shalom in the world, to lead people to like and respect one another. We must avoid at all costs any remarks or comments, even those spoken with innocent intentions, that could ignite tensions between Jews.