Lesson #75: Listening to Rechilut
A few years back I looked into the possibility of finishing the basement in my Lakewood home, and I was given an estimate of $45,000. I recently checked back with the contractor, who is known for his fair pricing, and this time he quoted me $95,000. As we all know, the prices of everything are skyrocketing. Groceries, gasoline, lumber, whatever industry one is in – the prices are through the roof.
Many of us have probably had the experience in recent months of going to the grocery store to pick up just a few items that we need, and when we got to the checkout counter, we were startled to see the price. Imagine a shopper who is shocked by the cost of her small basket of items – reaching over $100 – and she then turns to the storeowner and says, “Wow, I don’t believe it. You know something? My neighbor, Mrs. So-and-So, was right – she warned me that your prices have gone through the roof!”
At that moment, this woman has violated the prohibition of Rechilut, which forbids sharing information with someone about what another person said about him or did to him, which will arouse resentment. Quite obviously, this storeowner will be very displeased at the neighbor for complaining to people in the community about his store’s prices.
However, after hearing this information, the storeowner is not allowed to believe that the neighbor actually said that. Just as it is forbidden to speak Rechilut, it is also forbidden to accept Rechilut. If the storeowner believes what he heard, and resents the neighbor because of what he was told the neighbor said, then he has violated the prohibition against accepting Rechilut. According to some opinions, accepting Rechilut constitutes a more grievous transgression than speaking Rechilut.
The Rabbis teach that when one speaks Lashon Ha’ra or Rechilut, he in effect condemns three people – himself, the listener, and the person spoken about. He condemns himself because he transgresses the grave sin of Lashon Ha’ra or Rechilut; he condemns the listener, who will likely believe the information, and will thus be in violation of this sin; and, needless to say, he condemns the person of whom he speaks, whom people now dislike, disrespect, or resent.
This is why it is so vitally important to devote time to the study of these Halachot – because when Lashon Ha’ra or Rechilut is spoken, everyone involved is at risk. Every time we pause before speaking forbidden words about our fellow, and refrain from speaking, we save that person, the one we are speaking with, and ourselves.