Lesson #77: Roommates
The prohibition of Rechilut forbids informing somebody that another person spoke offensively about him, or did something hurtful to him. Sharing such information with somebody arouses his negative feelings toward the other person, and is therefore forbidden by force of the prohibition of Rechilut.
Let us consider the example of a yeshiva student who, for reasons he did not know, was told by his Rabbi that he must move to a different room in the dormitory. The student is upset and disgruntled, having to pack all his things and move into a new room in a different part of the campus.
Around this time, a fellow student approaches him and says, “Hey, I heard that you changed rooms.”
“Yeah,” the boy replies, “I have no idea why. The Rabbi told me he needed me to move to a different room. It is so annoying. I had to pack everything up and schlep it all. It’s ridiculous.”
“I think I know why,” the other student says. “I saw your roommate, Reuven, go over to the Rabbi and complain about you. He complained about your snoring at night, that you make too much noise, and that you are messy. I guess the Rabbi just figured it was best to tell you to move to a different room for the sake of shalom.”
This student who spoke about Reuven clearly violated the prohibition of Rechilut, because the roommate is now going to feel very angry at Reuven, who spread unflattering information about him, and who caused him to have to go through the trouble of switching rooms. By telling him about what Reuven did, and thereby causing him to resent Reuven, he has transgressed the prohibition of Rechilut.
At the same time, however, the roommate who was told this information is not allowed to firmly believe the information that was shared with him. He is allowed to suspect that it might be true, and therefore exercise caution when dealing with Reuven in the future. The information he was told is allowed to raise a “red flag” in his mind and lead him to be wary, but he is not allowed to confidently believe that Reuven actually did something to hurt him.
What’s more, the Torah requires the roommate to continue treating Reuven normally, without bearing a grudge. For example, if he had borrowed money from Reuven, he is required to promptly pay back what he owes, and not delay or withhold payment as revenge. If Reuven asks him for a favor, he may not refuse in order to “get back” at him for what he did. He must continue treating him cordially and kindly, even while exercising caution to avoid getting hurt by Reuven again.
This Halacha teaches us a very important lesson – that we must believe in people’s goodness, even if we hear negative information about them. Even when we are told that somebody acted improperly, or caused us some harm, and we then need to take appropriate measures to protect ourselves, we must nevertheless continue believing in this person’s goodness. This is one vitally important lesson we learn from the Halacha of Rechilut, one which must inform our attitude towards all people.