Lesson #8: Funny at Whose Expense?
Some people achieve popularity among their peers because of their humor. They provide the entertainment at every get-together or sit-down. They can always be counted on to bring a good laugh to the table. Usually this is a very talented fellow, who is polished and sharp, and he knows how to get people to laugh.
However, even if this fellow is completely sincere, loves people, and simply enjoys the attention he receives, and he has no intention whatsoever to hurt anybody, nevertheless, if he makes a joke that comes across as offensive to somebody, the joke violates the prohibition of lashon ha’ra. There is no justification for being funny at somebody else’s expense, even if there is no intent to be hurtful. Making somebody the butt of a joke, putting him in a negative light – even just to be funny – constitutes outright lashon ha’ra.
People might excuse such jokes by saying, “Come on, I’m only joking! You can’t take a joke? What’s the big deal?” But if somebody’s feelings are hurt, or his reputation is even slightly damaged, because of the words which were spoken, the speaker has violated the prohibition of lashon ha’ra.
It must be emphasized that the prohibition of lashon ha’ra can be violated even without mentioning the person’s name. If somebody relates a story, giving enough details to allow people to figure out about whom he speaks, then he violates lashon ha’ra. He might defend himself, saying, “Well, I didn’t tell you who I’m talking about!” – but nevertheless, if he mentioned details such that the listeners can determine the subject of the story, then the story is forbidden.
Sometimes people try to be clever and crafty, and they find a way to speak offensively about person in an indirect, underhanded manner. For example, a girl in high school might make a remark to the effect of, “You know, I heard that the school sometimes gives the position of head of the GO to a girl whose father donates a lot of money to the school.” Although she did not mention any classmate’s name, and did not even say anything derogatory about any of her fellow students, the people she is speaking with will right away get the point – that the head of the GO, in this girl’s estimation, doesn’t really deserve the position, thereby damaging her reputation. Similarly, a parent might say to a fellow community member, “If I had the kind of money that some other people around here have, I would be able to get my kind into such-and-such school.” Once again, the speaker does not say anything directly hurtful about any particular child. Nevertheless, he has violated the prohibition of lashon ha’ra because the listeners right away begin thinking about wealthy families in the neighborhood with children in that school. They will then look down upon those children, whom they will assume were undeservingly accepted to the school they attend.
When Hashem brings goodness upon us, we want it to arrive directly. When it comes to the opposite, Heaven forbid, we do not want it even indirectly. We, too, must avoid even indirectly causing any sort of harm to our fellowman or his reputation.