Lesson #85: The Jealous Neighbor
A fellow is walking out of his apartment one afternoon, when one of his neighbors approaches him, and says that earlier in the day, he saw a different neighbor – Reuven – outside in the yard behind the apartment building with the city inspectors.
“You know that for the longest time, Reuven has been complaining about the playgroup that your wife runs,” the neighbor says. “Now he brought the inspector – and he was showing him the wrappers and other garbage in the yard, and pointing out the noise. I think he’s trying to have the playgroup closed down.”
The neighbor clearly speaks sincerely, out of genuine concern for the fellow’s livelihood, which would suffer significantly if his wife is forced to shut down the playgroup.
Was the neighbor permitted to share this information with the fellow? And once the fellow heard about this, is he permitted to believe the information and act upon it?
In this case, since the neighbor relayed this information for a practical purpose – to protect a family from a significant financial loss – and not simply to spread gossip or ruin Reuven’s reputation, he was allowed to inform the man of what happened. However, even though this was permitted to be spoken, the listener is allowed only to suspect that the information might be true. Given the possibility of a significant financial loss, he is allowed to act upon the information to protect himself, such as by speaking to Reuven or contacting the relevant city officials to have the issue sorted out so his wife can continue running her playgroup. However, he is not permitted to conclusively believe the information. Even though the neighbor spoke to him innocently, without any intention to besmirch Reuven, nevertheless, the man is allowed only to suspect that the information might be true, but not to firmly believe it.
Assuming that the playgroup did not violate any laws, and that the couple consulted with a Rabbi to ensure the permissibility of running a playgroup in the apartment building, it is very likely that Reuven is driven by sheer jealousy. He is, probably, not really bothered by the noise and wrappers in the yard, but rather envies this couple that has a secure livelihood. Nevertheless, despite the fact that Reuven is likely motivated by impure intentions, the man must give him the benefit of the doubt, the only exception being that he and his wife may take whatever measures are necessary to protect themselves.
When it comes to neighborly relations, it is important to extend “Li’fnim Mi’shurat Ha’din” – beyond the strict letter of the law – to whatever extent we can, in order to avoid conflicts. Especially when playgroups or businesses are being run out of the home, one must strive to please the neighbors in order to avoid resentment and hard feelings. Although this might at times be difficult, it is worthwhile, to avoid the long-term harm of a tense relationship with one’s neighbors.